Paul Hardingham continues his new series.
What’s the Big Idea? An Introduction to the Books of the Old Testament:
1 and 2 Samuel.
1 and 2 Samuel was originally a single work, which focuses on Samuel, Saul and David, around 1,000 BC, mid-way between Abraham and Jesus. It was Samuel who established the monarchy in Israel after the period of the judges. He was commanded by God to give the people a king, although their request is seen as a rejection of God’s rule over Israel (8:7).
The people simply wanted to be like other nations, however their king was still subject to God’s law and the word of the prophet. Although Samuel anointed Saul, he soon showed an unwillingness to submit to these requirements, leading to his rejection as king (15:23). God chose David as Saul’s successor, and 1 Samuel depicts David’s years of waiting until the right time arrived to claim the throne.
2 Samuel depicts David’s rule, in which the nation prospers and its enemies are defeated. The promise of the perfect king is fulfilled in Jesus Himself, as David’s descendant. The second half of the book depicts the darker side of David’s reign, describing his weaknesses and failures, including his adultery with Bathsheba and the rebellion of his son Absalom.
Nevertheless, David remained a man after God’s own heart: ‘The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.’ (1 Samuel 16:7). The characters in this book are not always great examples of faith, however, ‘They do not show us how we should live but how in fact we do live, authenticating the reality of our daily experience as the stuff that God uses to work his purposes of salvation in us and in the world.’ (Eugene Peterson).
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Prospect of winter energy bills causing anxiety for millions, says Archbishop of York
Millions are looking ahead to this winter with ‘fear and anxiety’ about the cost of heating their homes, the Archbishop of York has said as he backed the recent launch of a campaign to provide a network of warm spaces for people who struggle to pay their energy bills.
Archbishop Stephen Cottrell is encouraging churches to consider getting involved in the Warm Welcome campaign, a network of venues from community centres to churches providing warm spaces over the winter for people struggling to heat their homes
.
Archbishop Stephen said: “Sadly, what began as a cost-of-living crisis has simply become the new normal for many.
“Millions of people will look ahead to this winter with fear and anxiety, wondering how they are going to cope with high living costs. That is why I am proud to endorse the Warm Welcome campaign this winter.
“But a warm welcome isn’t only about the temperature. It is about kindness and community, giving people the chance to be seen and known, to belong and to be part of something. It is about celebrating the God-given value and dignity of every single person, finding hope and community together. But of course, none of that will happen if people are cold.”
The Warm Welcome campaign is led by a coalition of over 50 charitable organisations who joined together in response to the cost of living crisis to provide emergency support to communities struggling to pay for rising food costs and to heat their homes.
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The mysterious ways of mistletoe
Mistletoe has long been used as part of our Christmas decorations. It is not your usual kind of plant.
Instead, it is hemiparasitic, meaning that although its leaves enable it to feed itself through photosynthesis, its roots invade the host tree or shrub to extract water and other nutrients
.
Mistletoe loves living in apple, lime, hawthorn, poplar or oak trees. You may spot it high up, as a large globe, on the bare trees in winter. There is one spectacular example in Windsor Great Park, clearly visible from the path on the opposite side of the Thames
.
Mistletoe’s berries are almost translucent, fleshy and sticky. They form in the forks of mistletoe’s many branches. While they are toxic to humans, they are attractive to birds, who wipe the remaining seeds off their beaks onto the nearest branch, which of course helps the plant to spread.
For some reason, Romans thought mistletoe represented Peace, Love and Understanding. Perhaps that is how it got into our Christmas celebrations? The earliest documentary evidence for kissing under mistletoe dates from the 16th century, but we don’t know who got kissed first.
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Doctor Livingstone, I presume?
It was 150 years ago, on 10th November 1871, that Welsh journalist and explorer Henry Morton Stanley located the missing missionary Dr David Livingstone near Lake Tanganyika, in present-day Tanzania. He may or may not have greeted him with the words: “Doctor Livingstone, I presume?”
Stanley’s real name was John Rowlands. He was born in Denbigh to an unmarried 18-year-old who abandoned him. He ended up in a workhouse until he was 15, then went to America, where he changed his name and became an American citizen. When he found Livingstone, he was working for the New York Herald.
Known for his strength of will, Stanley also had an African name – Bula Matari – Breaker of Rocks. Much of his life was spent in Central Africa, and his reputation was mixed: he was said by some to be violent toward Africans, but by others to have treated them well. His feats as an explorer were impressive: he played a big part in locating the true source of both the Nile and the Congo, and he helped open up the Congo on behalf of King Leopold of Belgium.
Though not overtly religious, he felt he was engaged in a “sacred task”. He was re-naturalised a British subject in 1892, following his marriage.
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All in the month of March
It was:
300 years ago, on 8th March 1723 that Sir Christopher Wren, English architect, died. Best known for designing St Paul’s Cathedral.
125 years ago, on 16th March 1898 that Aubrey Beardsley, British illustrator, died. His black ink drawings, influenced by Japanese woodcuts, contributed to the development of Art Nouveau.
100 years ago, on 4th March 1923 that Patrick Moore, the amateur astronomer, TV presenter, writer and musician was born. Best known for presenting the TV astronomy show The Sky at Night for over 50 years. (Died 2012)
80 years ago, on 13th March 1943 that the final liquidation of Krakow Ghetto in Poland took place. 8,000 Jews were transported to Plaszow labour camp, 2000 more were simply killed in the streets, and the rest were sent to Auschwitz.
70 years ago, on 19th March 1953 that the Academy Awards ceremony (the Oscars) were televised for the first time.
Also 70 years ago, on 26th March 1953 that Dr Jonas Salk announced that he had completed the first small-scale test of a polio vaccine. Larger tests began in February 1954, and mass vaccinations began in April 1955.
65 years ago, on 2nd March 1958 that the first land crossing of Antarctica was completed by the Commonwealth Trans-Antarctic Expedition, led by Vivian Fuchs. The team of 12 men travelled 2,158 miles from Shackleton Base to Scott Base (via the South Pole) in 99 days, using six vehicles.
60 years ago, on 22nd March 1963 that the British Secretary of State for War, John Profumo, made a statement in the House of Commons in which he denied there was any impropriety in his relationship with Christine Keeler, a model who was also in a sexual relationship with a drug dealer and a Soviet naval attaché. (In June he admitted he had lied, and resigned.)
50 years ago, on 8th March 1973 that the citizens of Northern Ireland voted in a referendum to remain within the United Kingdom. That same day the IRA carried out its first bombing in Britain since WWII, planting car bombs in London. One person died, 200 were injured.
40 years ago, on 6th March 1983 that Donald Maclean, British-born Soviet spy died. He was a member of the Cambridge Spy Ring.
Also 40 years ago, on 26th March 1983, that Anthony Blunt, British art historian and Soviet spy, died.
25 years ago, on 16th March 1998 that Rwanda began mass trials for the country’s 1994 genocide. There were 125,000 suspects for 500,000 murders.
20 years ago, on 1st March 2003 that Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, the al-Qaeda terrorist who masterminded the 9/11 attacks on the USA, was captured in Pakistan.
Also 20 years ago, on 12th March 2003 that the World Health Organisation issued a global alert about a severe form of pneumonia (now known as Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome – SARS) that was affecting people in China, Hong Kong and Vietnam.
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Isherwood Hall. (The original hall)
Tables and chairs are available.
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June Magazine 2026
NOTE FROM THE EDITORS
Welcome to your June magazine, as always we would welcome some articles from within our parish, home grown articles are so much better than those we source from elsewhere.
Updated 1st June 2026
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A joy and privilege to be received by the Pope, says Archbishop of Canterbury
The Archbishop of Canterbury has praised the Pope for speaking out against injustice and about hope; has commended working together for the common good; and has endorsed the strengthening power of common witness, in an address after a recent private meeting at the Apostolic Palace in the Vatican.
She prayed with Pope Leo and said: “It is a joy and a privilege to be received by you, together with this delegation from Lambeth Palace.”
She said: “Your Holiness, you have spoken powerfully about the many injustices in our world today, but you have spoken even more powerfully about hope. The world needed this message at this time — thank you. It reminded us that, despite our sufferings, people long for life in all its fullness, and countless people are working each day for this vision of the common good.”
She continued: “May we continue to work together in that hope, trusting that the one who has begun this good work among us will bring it to completion. Please be assured of a warm welcome for the Church of England should you honour the United Kingdom with a visit.”
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Assisted dying: Proper scrutiny was ‘moral necessity’, says bishop as bill falls
Adequate scrutiny of the assisted dying Bill before Parliament was a “moral necessity” and not just a “procedural detail”, the Bishop of Newcastle said recently, as the proposed legislation ran out of time in the House of Lords.
Bishop Helen-Ann Hartley, said the more closely the Terminally Ill Adults (End of Life) Bill had been examined, the more concerns came into focus, not fewer, as she spoke in the final day of the Bill in the House of Lords.
“In our context, where questions of life, death, care and conscience are so closely intertwined, the quality of our scrutiny is not a procedural detail—it is a moral necessity,” Bishop Helen-Ann, who was a member of a Select Committee that examined the Bill – told Peers.
“Some may dismiss my contribution as one which is grounded in a faith, but this is as legitimate and significant as any other viewpoint – grounded in faith, belief or none.
“Whilst my faith informs my alarm at our designation of dignity or the lack of it, it is from my experience on the Select Committee, that I have found that the more closely we have examined this Bill, the more concerns have come into focus, not fewer.
“For a Bill of this magnitude in terms of societal change, the highest level of scrutiny is imperative.”
The Private Member’s Bill would have allowed someone with a terminal diagnosis and six months or less to live to be provided with drugs to end their life if they had capacity and met the eligibility criteria.
It has been going through Parliament for the past year and a half, but ran out of time before the current session of Parliament came to an end.
The Archbishop of Canterbury, Sarah Mullally, speaking briefly in the debate, emphasised the shared wish of both opponents and proponents of the Bill that those who are terminally ill should be treated with compassion and be able to die in a pain-free and dignified way. She paid tribute to the ‘enormous’ amount of work that had gone into the Committee Stage of the Bill.
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Christian Giving
Stewardship’s recent Generosity Report explored ‘Christian giving in the UK’ and is based on 6,000 churchgoers, 1,700 of whom attend church weekly, 1,200 who go monthly and 3,100 who attend less frequently.
On average, these Christians gave £124 a month to different charitable causes, made up of £98 to their church and £26 to other charities.
The more committed Christians, who attend their church and reading the Bible at least weekly, tend to give more than others. They give to Christian charities, then secular charities and finally individual Christian workers.
Why give? “Gratitude for the blessings God has given me (home, finance, family etc.)” is the reason about a third of them give. This is followed by “gratitude for what Jesus did for me on the Cross” (30%) and being “part of something that can make a difference” (29%).
How do Christians feel about their giving? The answer: “Responsibility and joy,” is closely followed by “gratitude.” Mostly, Christians keep quiet about their giving, not even discussing it with friends.
Supporting those in need was a prime reason for giving (say sponsoring running a marathon), whether to family or friends or homeless strangers on the streets. The faith affiliation of charities was less important – it was what they were doing which counted.
Committed Christians usually support two charities.
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Innovation in lay and ordained ministry training receives £1.16 million boost
Up to 60 lay ministry apprenticeships in children’s, young people and families work in churches are to be created under a three-year pilot scheme.
Innovation funding of £145,000 has been granted by the Ministry Finance Panel of the Archbishops’ Council for a scheme to create between 45 and 60 Youth Ministers.
The programme, headed by Church Army, is jointly funded with the 30k Project, the Church of England campaign that is aiming to recruit 30,000 new children and youth ministers – both voluntary and employed – by 2030.
The scheme will collaborate with the dioceses of Blackburn, Chelmsford, Hereford, Rochester and Sheffield. The Missional Youth Church Network, which offers training and mentoring for youth leaders and volunteers, will also participate.
Dr Carolyn Edwards, the 30k Project’s Ministry with Children and Young People Officer, said: “We’re really excited about this pilot. It means we can create training for people engaging with young people in and for our churches which gives them both a nationally recognised Youth Worker qualification, and formation in Youth Ministry.
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Strategic investment making a ‘significant difference’ to ministry and mission in parishes
National funding for mission is making a ‘significant difference’ in churches across the country, including urban and rural parishes and those in areas of deprivation, according to a recently published report.
The Strategic Mission and Ministry Investment Board (SMMIB) distributed £98m to dioceses and £5.9m to mission partners last year to ‘revitalise’ parish churches, which includes funding for ministry, children’s and youth work and operational roles in parishes, as well as the renovation of church buildings to accommodate growing mission.
The funding will also support work with churches to launch new worshipping communities, engage with children and young people in different ways, and help people grow in their faith. 6,000 leaders are expected to be trained through the new programmes, including around 100 additional curates.
The plans include revitalising churches in post-industrial areas, such as in Doncaster, Carlisle, Luton, the Medway Towns, Barking and Birmingham. They also involve rural Cumbria and Dorset, and along the Diocese of Chichester’s southern coastline.
In total to date, programmes supported by national funding for strategic investment have reported training 7,600 new leaders, launching 1,500 new worshipping communities and welcoming 46,000 new participants into the life of the Church.
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60 years of Girl Choristers at St David’s Cathedral
St David’s Cathedral recently marked 60 years since girl choristers first sang in the Cathedral Choir with a celebratory evensong.
It was in April 1966 that the Cathedral Choir were busy preparing for a BBC radio broadcast of choral evensong, when in the days leading up to the recording, numerous boy choristers succumbed to a measles outbreak that was spreading through the local primary schools.
Facing the prospect of no choristers being well enough to perform, Organist and Master of the Choristers Peter Boorman approached music teacher Rosalyn Charles, and asked if the girls of Ysgol Dewi Sant school choir may be able to sing.
The school, Dean and Chapter all approved the emergency measure, and following a successful broadcast on 20th April 1966, chapter agreed in July 1966 that the girls were to become full choristers.
Ever since, the soprano line in the Cathedral Choir has been sung by girls aged 8-18, drawn from St Davids and, more recently, further afield in Pembrokeshire. St David’s Cathedral pioneered the concept of girls singing in cathedral choirs, decades before similar initiatives were launched in other cathedrals.
To celebrate this milestone, the Cathedral held a special evensong, with the Cathedral Choir joined by former choristers from the past 60 years.
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June Diary Page
Holy Communion service each Sunday at 9.00am (Said BCP service)
Sung Eucharist each Sunday at 10.00am (Common Worship)
Holy Communion each Tuesday at 10.00am (Said BCP service)
Said Evening Prayer each Sunday at 6.30pm.
BIBLE STUDY (via ZOOM) EVERY WEDNESDAY AT 7PM DURING TERM TIME.
PRAYER MEETING FIRST MONDAY IN THE MONTH 7pm IN CHURCH
Tuesday 2nd
10am Holy Communion
Saturday 6th
9.30am Churchyard tidy / Church cleaning
Sunday 7th
9am Holy Communion
10am Parish Communion
6.30pm Evening Prayer
Tuesday 9th
10am Holy Communion
Wednesday 10th
Coffee Morning 10am – 11.30am
PCC Meeting 7pm
Sunday 14th
9am Holy Communion
10.00am Parish Communion
6.30pm Evening Prayer
Tuesday 16th
10am Holy Communion
Sunday 21st
9am Holy Communion
10am PARISH COMMUNION
6.30pm Evening Prayer
Tuesday 23rd
10am Holy Communion
Sunday 28th
9am Holy Communion
10am PARISH COMMUNION
6.30pm Evening Prayer
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June Church Roof Gulley update.
Good progress has been made in the past weeks, The gulley has been completely stripped out, all rotten timbers removed and renewed where necessary. A new gulley support structure has been installed and a layer of waterproof membrane added to ensure long-term stability and resilience.
A structural firm has been and measured up for the stainless steel cladding, each section will have to be made to measure to fit the unique requirements of the gulley's design seamlessly. It is hoped that will be ready to fit as I write this.
This will then leave gutters and hoppers to be renewed to a large design to accommodate increased water flow and prevent overflow issues. Finally, whilst the scaffolding is in place some stonework repointing will carried out to maintain the structural integrity and aesthetic appeal of the building.
As of now the building, after several years of damp walls is finally waterproof!!, it is estimated at the moment that the south choir wall will take at least a year to fully dry out so that the plaster can be repaired / renewed and finally redecorated.
You will notice in this photo the chimney nobody knew existed has gone and second hand slates fitted, another damp causing problem eliminated.
Bob Willis
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Canon Paul Hardingham considers Father’s Day
Celebrating Fathers
‘If you want to know how well a person understands Christianity, find out how much they make of the thought of being God’s child and having God as their Father.’ (J I Packer, Knowing God)
This month we celebrate the importance of fathers on Father’s Day. Unlike Mothering Sunday, this doesn’t have a distinctly Christian origin. However, it does provide an opportunity to celebrate God’s Fatherhood and what it means for us.
At His baptism, when Jesus came out of the water: ‘heaven was opened, and He saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and alighting on Him. And a voice from heaven said, ‘This is my Son, whom I love; with Him I am well pleased.’(Matthew 3:16,17). What do we learn about Jesus’ relationship with His Father, our relationship with God and the role of fathers?
The Father’s presence
When Jesus was baptised, the Father was present in the Holy Spirit. It’s the Spirit who enables us to address God as daddy (‘abba’, Galatians 4:6) in an intimate way. God is present with us and understands our joys and sorrows, fears and trials. Dads should relate to their children like this.
The Father’s love
The Father described His Son as ‘beloved’; like us, Jesus was the subject of God’s unconditional love. Dads should assure their children of their constant, undeserved love.
The Father’s pleasure
The Father tells Jesus that He is ‘well pleased’ with Him, as He embarked on His public ministry. We need to hear this as well, especially when we feel that we are disappointing God or letting Him down. We should also be aware of the effect of our words spoken to our children. Dads should be using every opportunity to demonstrate their pleasure in their children, especially when things go wrong.
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Editor: The Revd Dr Jo White continues her series on aspects of Christianity.
Reflecting Faith: The Creed (part 2)
Last month we considered where the Creed is placed within the service. This month let’s think about what is in the Creed(s).
It’s important to know that the earliest known Creed, which is still substantially used today was first found in a letter from around AD 341. This is known today as the Apostles’ Creed because it is widely thought to have been originally written by the Apostles themselves.
Every phrase in it can be noted as derived directly from biblical texts and it is the compilation that has taken so much thought and discussion until we arrive at the versions we use in churches today.
Because the Creed succinctly includes everything Christians believe, it unites us all in those truths; whichever Christian denomination you choose to worship within.
So, establishing wording that expresses the faith of all Christians has been the challenge.
Protestants sometimes wonder at the phrase, ‘the holy catholic Church’ being included, but the word ‘catholic’ here has the meaning of ‘universal’ rather than denominational.
We are ALL united in our basic faith.
This is what makes us Christians and distinguishes us from other ‘churches’, whether they have the name of Jesus in their title or not.
Only Churches which acknowledge and include one of the recognised creeds can join the international organisation of ‘Churches Together’.
Essentially, this is a sure way to know that you are at a Christian service.
In more recent years the Church has authorized several Affirmations of Faith which contain the key tenants of faith but are shorter and, if you like, simpler to understand.
This month
Because the Creed has to be universally accepted within established churches, deviations from the texts are not permitted. However, just for the joy of thinking … what would you include in a statement of faith if you were drafting it? Which friends would you want to include on your ‘committee’?
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Corpus Christi – thanks for Holy Communion
The feast of Corpus Christi was proposed by Thomas Aquinas, focused on the Eucharist or Holy Communion. It celebrates the joy of sharing the Body and Blood of Christ with His presence in the Eucharist, and is usually celebrated on the Thursday after Trinity Sunday.
Today, most Protestant denominations don’t acknowledge the festival, because of its association with the doctrine of the Real Presence. However, some Anglican churches do observe it, as the Thanksgiving for Holy Communion.
How do we understand the significance of the Eucharist or Holy Communion? Paul in 1 Corinthians 11: 23-32, points us in three directions.
A Past Commemoration:
The Eucharist looks back as we remember the Passover meal Jesus shared with His disciples (Luke 22:14–20). Jesus broke the bread and took the cup to signify that His atoning sacrifice on the Cross delivers us from the bondage of sin and death. As we remember His broken body and shed blood, it becomes personal: Christ died for me, suffered for my sins that I might live. It is truly a eucharist, a thanksgiving: ‘Do this in remembrance of Me’ (1 Corinthians 11: 24,25).
A Present Communion:
The Eucharist speaks of the communion we enjoy with a living Christ, because our sins are forgiven. Paul encourages us to look in at the state of our hearts: ‘Everyone ought to examine themselves before they eat of the bread and drink from the cup.’ (28). We should also look around acknowledging the communion we have with other believers. Holy Communion expresses our unity together: ‘Because there is one loaf, we, who are many, are one body, for we all share the one loaf.’ (11:17). Paul is expressing his concerns here about the divisions in the Corinthian Church.
A Future Certainty:
The Eucharist is also a place where we look forward to Christ’s return: ‘For whenever you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death until He comes.’ (26). It declares that the reign of Christ has already begun, as we look forward to Jesus’ return. He will unite earth and heaven under His rule and sin, death and Satan will finally be defeated.
So, when we next take Holy Communion, let’s reflect on the past, present and future implications of what this meal means for us.
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June Crossword
Across
1 Relating to the whole universe (6)
4 The disciple who made the remark in 8 Across (John 20) (6)
8 ‘Unless I see the nail marks — — hands,’ (John 20) (2,3)
9 He urged King Jehoiakim not to burn the scroll (Jeremiah 36) (7)
10 Controversial founder of America’s Moral Majority, Jerry — (7)
11 ‘Look, here is — . Why shouldn’t I be baptized?’ (Acts 8) (5)
12 Repossessed (Genesis 14) (9)
17 Port from which Paul sailed on his last journey to Rome (Acts 27) (5)
19 ‘Moses was not aware that his face was — ’ (Exodus 34) (7)
21 Roonwit, C.S. Lewis’s half-man, half-horse (7)
22 Grill (Luke 24) (5)
23 ‘The lot fell to Matthias; so he was added to the — apostles’ (Acts 1) (6)
24 ‘I was in — and you came to visit me’ (Matthew 25) (6)
Down
1 Coastal rockfaces (Psalm 141) (6)
2 Academic (1 Corinthians 1) (7)
3 Publish (Daniel 6) (5)
5 For example, the Crusades (4,3)
6 11 Across is certainly this (5)
7 He reps (anag.) (6)
9 Liberator (Psalm 18) (9)
13 Man who asked the question in 11 Across was in charge of all her treasury (Acts 8) (7)
14 They must be ‘worthy of respect, sincere, not indulging in much wine’ (1 Timothy 3) (7)
15 The human mind or soul (6)
16 ‘O Lord, while precious children starve, the tools of war increase; their bread is — ’ (Graham Kendrick) (6)
18 ‘We played the flute for you, and you did not — ’ (Matthew 11) (5)
20 Bared (anag.) (5)
May Answers
ACROSS: 1, Awaken. 4, Quench. 8, Hit me. 9, Sadness. 10, Semitic. 11, Ridge. 12, Testimony. 17, Psalm. 19, Indulge. 21, Deserve. 22, Ariel. 23, Rose as. 24, Beggar.
DOWN: 1, Aghast. 2, Attempt. 3, Eject. 5, Undergo. 6, No end. 7, Hasten. 9, Sacrifice. 13, Samaria. 14, Yelling. 15, Spider. 16, Dealer. 18, Asses. 20, Drake.
Winners
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June Anagrams
GILBERT AND SULLIVAN OPERAS
Rearrange these letters to form the titles of eleven of the most popular operas by Gilbert and Sullivan. Answers may consist of one, two, three, four or - in one case only - five words.
1. DO TAKE HIM 2. O THE NAIL 3. AH SPIN FOR ME 4. LONGSHORE TIDE 5. PAPER THE ZONES INT CAFE
6. DIG ORDURE 7. CHEER ROSTER 8. A SNIDE CRISP 9. U R JAY TRILBY 10. A NICE PET
11. MATEY ROGUE OF THE HEND
Compiled by Peter Warren
May Anagram Answers
NOVELS BY DICKENS: Answers
1. HARD TIMES 2. MARTIN CHUZZLEWIT 3. GREAT EXPECTATIONS 4. A CHRISTMAS CAROL 5. PICKWICK PAPERS
6. OLIVER TWIST 7. DAVID COPPERFIELD 8. DOMBEY AND SON 9. BLEAK HOUSE 10. A TALE OF TWO CITIES
11. NICHOLAS NICKLEBY 12. THE OLD CURIOSITY SHOP
Winner: Wynn
Send your answers with your name to the editors.
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June Sudoku
May Answer
Winner Jack Thompson
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Lots of keys, but what do they open?
“To the angel of the church in Philadelphia write: These are the words of Him who… holds the key of David. What He opens no one can shut, and what He shuts no one can open.” (Revelation 3:7)
My house is full of keys. There seem to be pots full of them in many rooms. I have no idea what most of them are for. None are labelled.
We lost an important key recently, and the only clue as to what it looks like was that there were two keys on one ring. Not much help, because there are lots like that. I expect it will turn up some day, probably when we are not looking for it.
I had a large bunch of keys which I carry every day, but I removed most because they were so heavy. Probably some of those keys opened the house I lived in 50 years ago! We do not like throwing keys away. We always think they will come in useful. I cannot think how!
At one of the churches that I attend, the wardens, quite rightly, decided to change the locks and presented me with a new key. I still have the old one on the ring as I have not thrown it away. Probably every time I try to get into the church, I will try both keys as they look the same. There are other keys on the church keys ring, but I have no idea what they are for.
St Peter was given the keys to the Kingdom, but there is another verse about keys from Revelation which I like. I expect that key will not get lost!
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Well-dressing in Derbyshire – May to September
Derbyshire is known for its wells and well-dressing. The annual tradition followed in many villages of decorating the village wells, or ‘well dressing’, attracts sightseers from miles away.
By ancient, centuries-old tradition, five wells are decorated. Boards are set up around each one which is then covered in clay. The clay is then impressed with thousands of colourful flower petals to create pictures and tableaux. Often the stories illustrated are from the Bible.
It is thought the practice may date back to the 14th century, and it may have started as an act of thanksgiving when the community escaped the Black Death. Over the years, and before piped water became available, it also became an act of thanksgiving for the village’s supply of clean, clear water.
Today more than 80 Derbyshire villages still follow the tradition, and the season extends through the summer. Many well dressings have a biblical theme, or are inspired by royal occasions or sporting events.
Generally, the Derbyshire wells are not considered holy or named after saints. Most were just the original village water tap. However, Buxton does have a celebrated holy well, where people regularly line up to collect its special waters.
Buxton mineral water is bottled and available in supermarkets, but in the town itself, at St Anne’s well, it is free. Through medieval times there was a chapel on the spot, and pilgrims came seeking cures and to leave offerings.
Later the town became a spa and patients came to bathe and drink, much as the ancient Romans had done in pre-Christian times. Today the free Buxton water emerges from a pipe set in a modern plinth containing a statuette of St Anne, the mother of Mary and Jesus’s grandmother.
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By the Revd Roy Shaw, a retired but active priest in the diocese of York, where he is a spiritual director.
Giving thanks for fathers
There is no finer sound in the world than your child calling you ‘daddy’, or ‘dad’. I love it!
And as I look around our neighbourhood, dads today are far more involved in their children’s lives than when I was a child. Pushing prams, holding hands while out on a walk, bathing, playing games. Dads are in all these activities and more. I see the dads on either side of our house, and they obviously love their kids with all their hearts.
Unfortunately, too many kids grow up without a stable and involved male figure in their lives over the whole of their childhood and beyond. And no prizes for guessing the outcome; when they reach fatherhood, their kids often grow up without a stable and involved male figure in their lives.
The month of June brings Fathers’ Day – this year on the 21st June. May all dads reading this be pampered like never before! If it’s a fine day, it may be a case of ‘Stand back everyone- dad’s going to bar-b-q’. But before we get carried away, let’s spare a thought for those who for one reason or another couldn’t be dads, or whose dads fell far short of the high expectations we invest in them, or who lost a dad at a crucial time in life and feel a permanent ache where ‘Dad’ should be.
Our Christian faith teaches us to look at God as ‘Father’- we address Him as such in the opening words of the Lord’s Prayer, and it was Jesus’ custom to talk to God as ‘Father’. Maybe, taking into account those who have had a very mixed experience, or a bad experience of fathers, we should qualify what we say of God and call Him ‘the Good Father’, or ‘our Good Father’.
Because that it what the experience of countless Christian would testify to; that God is a good father. I think of the picture Jesus paints in the parable of the Prodigal Son; the father on the look-out for his wayward son day after day, and when he sees him in the distance runs all the way to him to embrace him. Now in Jesus’ time, in that culture, fathers did NOT run, least of all to welcome returning no-goods who had wasted half the father’s fortune. Fathers were people of dignity. Run? Never!
Jesus has turned that on its head. We can be sure that a welcome awaits us; we turn to God, or return to God, and find that He’s already half-way towards us, coming at speed to embrace us.
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Canon Paul Hardingham continues his seven-part series. This will conclude with the July issue.
The Seven Deadly Sins: Gluttony
‘They’re called deadly because they lead to the death of the soul.’ (Richard Newhauser).
This month we are looking at Gluttony. Which food do we find hardest to resist?
It is reported that 66% of adults in the UK are overweight or obese. Gluttony is indulgence to excess, usually involving food, but can also include drinking, screen time, shopping etc.
Paul warns us about the dangers of gluttony when he refers to those whose minds are set on earthly things: ‘their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame.’ (Philippians 3:19). Our struggle with gluttony is often the outward sign of a spiritual hunger for acceptance, love, or self-worth. This desire for satisfaction cannot be satisfied by food alone.
How can we overcome gluttony?
Glorify God with your body: ‘Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God?’ (1 Corinthians 6:19). Paul reminds us that our bodies belong to God; as temples of the Holy Spirit, we should use them to glorify God.
While we have freedom in the things we consume, we are also called to honour God in our actions.
Exercise self-control: ‘live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.’ (Galatians 5:16). Paul goes on to list self-control as one of the Fruit of the Spirit (5:23). As we examine ourselves and identify those areas where we lack self-control, we can entrust them to God, asking for the strength of the Holy Spirit to overcome gluttony.
We recognise that true satisfaction is only found in a desire for God alone: ‘Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.’ (Matthew 5:6).
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Our potholes are killing us
The number of people injured or even killed by falling into potholes has increased by almost 50 per cent in just the last five years. Motorists, passengers and pedestrians are all at risk.
From 270 incidents in 2020, it now stands at 393 in 2024, the last year for which figures are available.
In 2024, six people died, 128 were seriously injured and 259 suffered minor injuries. In contrast, back in 2020, five people died, 80 were seriously injured and 185 suffered minor injuries.
The stories range from pensioners on foot falling into potholes and dying, to cyclists having their faces smashed to pieces, or getting their wheels jammed in narrow potholes and dying, to motorcyclists being thrown in front of cars and dying. Never mind the thousands of car tyres that have been torn to pieces in potholes.
Meanwhile the Asphalt Industry Alliance (AIA) has recently reported that the cost of fixing every pothole in Britain could reach £18.6bn and take 12 years to complete. It calls the situation “a national crisis and a total disgrace”.
The Transport Secretary, Heidi Alexander, recently experienced the crisis for herself when a “moon crater-sized” pothole took her Mini Cooper off the road by bursting two tyres in Oxfordshire.
Edmund King, president of the AA, says Britain is in a “pothole plague”. So far this year, the AA has attended an average of 64,330 pothole callouts per month.
And now experts warn that our pothole crisis will only deepen, as the war in Iran increases the price of bitumen, which is mixed with gravel to make asphalt to fill road defects.
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Feed the birds – but thoughtfully
If you enjoy feeding the birds, you are not alone. Up to 60% of all households in the UK regularly feed their wild birds, according to surveys from UK Pet Food. It all adds up to an estimated £250 million in sales annually, with roughly 150,000 tonnes of seed being sold.
When feeding wild birds, here are five mistakes to avoid:
Not keeping the feeders clean. This can spread disease. The RSPB advises cleaning bird feeders once a week with a mild soap such as washing-up liquid. Do it outside, using brushes that you keep for this job alone.
Leaving too much food out. It attracts rodents. Instead, the RSPB advises that little and often is best. But keep an eye on those feeders and keep them topped up. When birds are nest-building and raising broods, they need a lot of energy. Feed peanuts in a rigid mesh feeder, so that large piece of nut cannot choke baby birds. Avoid putting out fat in hot weather – it can go rancid.
Feeding bread. This can lead to malnutrition. Bread is high in carbohydrates, while garden birds require a protein-rich and high-calorie diet. A chick with a stomach full of bread can freeze to death overnight. Ideally, feed a combination of mealworms, seeds, sunflower hearts, dried fruit, peanuts and fat.
Forgetting to provide water. Birds need to drink and bathe daily, especially in hot weather. Change the water every day and keep the basin clean.
Putting feeders in the wrong place. Place your feeders near to shrubs, trees and bushes, to provide cover. Blackbirds and robins are ground feeders, whereas tits and sparrows prefer to feed from hanging stations. Using an array of feeders will attract a wide range of birds.
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Editor: The Revd Dr Gary Bowness continues his tongue-in-cheek letters from ‘Uncle Eustace’…
The Rectory
St James the Least of All
My dear Nephew Darren
Ah, the joys of June! At last, I can return to the Rectory without putting on my overcoat before going inside. For the next four months, all windows and doors are left open, in order to let the heat in. If anyone else tells me how lucky I am to live in an 10-bedroom Queen Anne house, I shall have them excommunicated.
You will soon stop complaining about your one-bedroom flat should you ever have to live in a rural rectory; the days of wandering about your home in shirtsleeves will become a distant memory. In my first winter here, I had the central heating on full blast 24 hours a day. The house was almost warm, even if the boilers sounded like the Queen Mary coming into port. But that quarter’s gas bill needed a substantial grant from the International Monetary Fund to cover it, so ever since, for six months of the year, I live in the kitchen. Parishioners find it either touching or sad that I sleep with my Labrador. It never occurs to them that I need her for extra heat.
It does mean that evening meetings at the rectory on winter evenings can be un-Christianly satisfying. Watching committee members fighting – with infinite politeness – to get nearest to the one-bar electric fire is highly entertaining. They hold on to their coffee cups less for refreshment, more for a little extra warmth. At least it means that meetings are short.
My predecessor was a model railway enthusiast and so several bedrooms were taken up with a system of such complexity that it made Crewe Junction seem trivial. He also found it helpful to put his teenage son in the turret bedroom, where he could play his drums without anyone else in the house being able to hear a thing.
Nowadays, all these extra rooms are filled with cribs and nativity play costumes, Easter gardens and spare choir cassocks. It is remarkable how all these things used to be stored quite satisfactorily in the church vestry until the parish acquired a single priest; now the empty rooms in the rectory have become vital storage space. I so hope my successor has a plethora of children, so that the parishioners have to find alternative accommodation for all the detritus vital to church life.
No, dear boy, cherish your centrally heated, dry, draft proof, mice-free, bat-less, modern-plumbed accommodation. It will not be ever thus.
Your loving uncle,
Eustace
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Peaceful mind in June
June is a time when we tend to spend more time outside, and probably see more of other people…
A man that has friends must show himself friendly… Proverbs 18:24
Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against anyone among your people but love your neighbour as yourself. I am the Lord. – Leviticus 19:18,34
How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity! – Psalm 133:1
Whoever would foster love covers over an offense, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends. – Proverbs 17:9
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Paul Hardingham continues his series on the books of the Bible.
What’s the Big Idea?
An Introduction to the Books of the Bible: Colossians
This month we return to look at the books of the New Testament. Many today are asking: ‘How does Jesus uniquely reveal God to us? This question lies at the heart of Paul’s letter to the Colossians. The church in Colossae was a fruit of his three years ministry in Ephesus (52-55 AD). Paul went on to write this letter while in a Roman prison around 61 AD.
Paul was dealing with gnostic false teachers who denied that Jesus was fully God and man. They taught that enlightenment could be reached through special knowledge and rigorous self-discipline.
Paul attacked this false teaching by focusing on the supremacy of Christ: ‘in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, and you have this fullness in Christ, who is the head over every power and authority’ (2:9-10).
He affirms that Jesus is:
Lord of all Creation, who sustains everything. As the exact representation of God, He is first-born over all creation (1:15-17) and there is no place for worshipping angels or any other power (2:18).
Head of the Church (1:18), to whom the Colossians should submit (2:6, 7) and not be seduced by vain speculations (1:16-18).
Supreme Saviour (3:11), who has defeated all spiritual powers on the cross (2:15), allowing them to share in the power of His resurrection (2:20). All are adopted into His family and so there are no special qualifications needed to experience God’s favour (2:8-20).
In chapters 3&4 Paul demonstrates the practical implications for the Christian’s daily life. We are challenged to abandon the old life and cultivate our new life in Christ (3:5-4:6). If we maintain Jesus as our Lord, He will prove truly sufficient for all our needs.
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Need total darkness to sleep?
According to followers of ‘The Dutch Method’, it is good to sleep with your curtains open.
That way, in the morning your bedroom slowly floods with natural light, which coincides with your circadian rhythm, the internal body clock that regulates your sleep cycle. Natural light also stops the production of melatonin (your sleep hormone) and triggers a natural rise in cortisol. That lets you know that the new day has begun. It is considered a gentle way to wake up.
Nevertheless, others of us prefer the curtains to be shut, and need pitch black to sleep.
Whichever you prefer, here are some tips on sleep and waking up.
~ Natural light in the morning is good for you. It is better to go for a walk at the start of each day, rather than to head straight for your phone and computer.
~ Melatonin levels decline as we get older, which makes it harder to fall and stay asleep.
~ Our body clock can shift to earlier, leaving us sleepier at night, but more awake earlier in the morning.
~ As we age, we become more sensitive to disruption during the night, and things like stress, life changes, noise or light can have a bigger impact.
~ A good routine before sleep is essential. Aim for bed at the same time, empty your head with a to-do list for tomorrow, clear your thoughts, and relax.
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Farmers, TikTok, and people kissing cows
Here is a story that you couldn’t make up. There is a craze on TikTok of influencers interacting with cute cows, and they have attracted thousands of followers.
So now people are wandering onto farms in search of cute cows, to cuddle and kiss for the camera. Highland type cattle, with their ‘floofy’ adorable thick fringes and shaggy coats are especially targeted.
Except that the cows, however cute, do not know about TikTok. So, they do not welcome complete strangers who want to wrap their arms around their necks, or pull their tails about, to get “good online content”.
One Yoga teacher entered a field and did handstands among bewildered cows, to create an interesting backdrop to a video.
A father slung his son up on top of a cow’s back, and was surprised when the cow ran off with his son still on board.
30 people cornered one herd at sunset and used flashing cameras to take pictures and videos of the frightened animals.
The farmers are worried. As one said: “these people risk being trampled, charged or attacked. Cows are not domesticated animals. They are highly unpredictable creatures. They can kick hard. If you upset one, you will regret it – and you will never out-run it.”
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Our British bumblebees
Did you know we have about 270 kinds of bee in the UK, including 24 types of bumblebees? Here are just six of them:
Early Bumblebee: – Found throughout the UK. Rather small, with distinctive lemon-yellow bands on thorax and abdomen, and an orange tail. An important pollinator of our soft fruit.
Common Carder Bee: – One of our most common bees, and often still feeding in November. Fluffy, brown and orange, with sometimes darker bands on the abdomen.
Tree Bumblebee: – Found in England and Wales, and recently Southern Scotland. A fuzzy bee, with brown-orange hairs on its thorax, a black abdomen, and a white tail.
Red-tailed Bumblebee: – The female is very large, with a big red ‘tail’, while males are smaller.
Garden Bumblebee: – A scruffy-looking large bee, with a long tongue and face. It has yellow bands at the collar, rear of the thorax and at the first segment of the abdomen, and the tip of the tail is white.
Buff-tailed bumblebee: – The biggest of our bumblebees, with a yellow collar near the head and another on the abdomen. The queen has a buff-coloured ‘tail’, while the workers have white ‘tails’ and black hair on their faces.
Be kind to our bees. They are in steady decline across the UK.
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Best and worst breakfasts for your cholesterol
Numerous studies suggest that if you miss breakfast, you can risk elevated cholesterol levels. On the other hand, eating breakfast each morning can help improve your cardiovascular health.
But what is the best sort of thing to eat at breakfast? Healthy fat and fibre will help you avoid excessive peaks and dips in glucose, and they can also set up your metabolism for the rest of the day.
So –
Cereal: Avoid sugary cereals, as highly refined cereals contain little fibre, and high sugar content can cause insulin resistance, and promote an unhealthy lipid profile. Choose porridge instead.
Toast toppings: Avoid bacon, which is high in saturated fat and sodium. Choose smoked salmon or smashed avocado.
Eggs: Avoid the Full English, which is high in saturated fats. Choose an omelette with healthy fillings such as mushrooms and tomatoes.
Bread: Avoid the refined flour in white bread, croissants and pastries. Choose higher fibre varieties of bread.
Fruit: Avoid juice, which has very little fibre and a lot of fructose. Choose instead whole fruit.
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Country roads can be beautiful – but deadly. Beware.
Be careful on rural roads. In the ten years to the end of 2024, nearly 10,000 people died on Britain’s rural roads. And so NFU Mutual launched an on-going campaign in 2020, to warn people of the dangers. The website offers some excellent, practical tips to staying safe. Visit: 
Ruralroadsafety@nfumuutal.co.uk
Above, don’t speed, because anything might be waiting for you in the road just around the next bend: bales of hay, cows, sheep or even a tractor!
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Remembering John Constable
It was 250 years ago, on 11th June 1776, that John Constable, British landscape artist, was born.
Widely known as a painter in the Romantic tradition, Constable had a deeply conservative faith centred on the Church of England, which he viewed as an essential stabilising force in society. His painting of Salisbury Cathedral is regarded as a symbol of this.
Born in East Bergholt, Suffolk, to a wealthy corn merchant who owned Flatford Mill, he was expected to take over the business: although he was the second son, the eldest was regarded as incapable. But John Constable was always focused on painting, and the business was eventually taken over by his younger brother.
Constable enjoyed painting the areas he knew well – primarily those on the border of Suffolk and Essex which is now known as Constable Country. “Painting is but another word for feeling,” he wrote to a friend. He regarded nature as a reflection of God’s creation and his own work as spiritual, though a tour of the Lake District in 1806 did not convince him of the attraction of mountains.
He is now highly valued, but he was never successful financially in his own lifetime, though he was elected to the Royal Academy at the age of 52. He was more popular in France than in England, but refused invitations to travel to promote his work, saying he would rather be a poor man in England than a rich man abroad.
After the death through tuberculosis of his wife Maria Bicknell at the age of 41, Constable became depressed: it had been a love match that triumphed over opposition from her wealthy relatives, and he was left a widower with seven young children. He continued to paint, but in a different style, darker and semi-abstract, but still compelling.
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‘Our Marilyn Monroe’ – born 100 years ago this month
One hundred years ago, on 1st June 1926, the American film actress, model and sex symbol Marilyn Monroe was born. Remembered for Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, The Seven Year Itch and Some Like it Hot, among others, she died in 1962.
Her original name was Norma Jeane Mortenson, and she was born in Los Angeles, spending much of her childhood in foster homes; she lived for a while with evangelical Christians Albert and Ida Bolender, as did her mother, Gladys Monroe. She married James Dougherty at the age of 16, and later Joe DiMaggio, the baseball star.
Marilyn suffered a great deal from endometriosis, and although she became pregnant on three occasions, she had no children. Her character was contradictory: she was probably bipolar, but combined an apparent naivety with an extremely shrewd business intelligence: some estimated her IQ at a very high 165. She certainly had a spiritual side, but this was rarely obvious.
When she married Arthur Miller in 1956, she converted to Judaism because she identified with Jews as an oppressed group, and she retained this spiritual connection after they divorced.
Monroe’s career in films started when she was spotted by a photographer while she was working in an aircraft factory. She was always seen as a pin-up, and it was an image she cultivated. She wore white to draw attention to her blondness (though she was naturally brunette) and wore deliberately revealing clothes.
As far as politics were concerned, Monroe was a democrat, admiring Abraham Lincoln and giving her backing to civil rights. Her closeness to the Kennedy family – she was rumoured to have had brief affairs with both the president, JFK, and his brother Bobby – came at the end of her life. She died of a barbiturate overdose at her Los Angeles home.
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BBC Proms will still celebrate the US – despite Trump’s lawsuit
The BBC will mark the 250th anniversary of the Declaration of Independence with a programme of American classical music this summer.
That is while Donald Trump pursues his multi-million lawsuit against the corporation.
But he is not the only thing that is making the BBC uneasy. BBC insiders are also wary of the shifting political situation between the US and Iran, which could make the Proms concerts at the Royal Albert Hall a target for anti-war demonstrations.
However, the concerts will still go on to showcase the music of famous US composers, including George Gershwin, Aaron Copland and Leonard Bernstein. American conductors will even lead several of the shows.
Sam Jackson, the BBC Radio 3 controller, said: “The 250th anniversary of American independence is a major moment in world history. We live in uncertain times, but our current geopolitical situation should not lead us to ‘cancel’ great music, or to deny licence fee payers the opportunity to hear repertoire of both the past and the present.”
The Proms will launch with the First Night on 17th July.
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Book Review
Eat, Drink, and Be Merry – a Gospel Call to Bold Enjoyment
By Raymond C Ortlund, Crossway, £12.99
So much is going wrong in these dark days. And the daily personal demands never let up. Who has the time—much less the freedom of heart—to play, to laugh, to delight? But God’s strategy for wise living includes bold enjoyment. In fact, any ‘Christianity’ that feels embarrassed about enjoying God’s good gifts dishonours Him, and leaves Christians with less to give their suffering world. Meditating on Ecclesiastes 11:9-10, Ortlund argues that following Christ here in this world is a nuanced mix of both suffering and happiness.
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All in the month of June
It was:
250 years ago, on 11 June 1776 that the Second Continental Congress appointed John Adams, Benjamin Franklin, Thomas Jefferson, Robert R Livingston and Roger Sherman to create the first draft of the Declaration of Independence.
Also 250 years ago, on 11th June, that John Constable, British landscape artist, was born.
150 years ago, on 19th June 1876 that Nigel Gresley, railway engineer, was born. He designed some of the best-known steam locomotives in Britain, including the Flying Scotsman.
100 years ago, on 1st June 1926 that the American film actress, model and sex symbol Marilyn Monroe was born. Remembered for Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, The Seven Year Itch, and Some Like it Hot, among others. Died 1962.
Also 100 years ago, on 10th June 1926 that Antoni Gaudi, Spanish architect died. Known for his unique Modernist style. Best remembered buildings such as the Basilica de la Sagrada Familia in Barcelona.
90 years ago, on 14th June 1936 that G K Chesterton died. Novelist, short story writer, journalist, essayist, poet, social/literary critic and theologian, and remembered for his stories about the priest-detective Father Brown.
80 years ago, on 8th June 1946 that the London Victory Celebrations following WW2 took place. Allied forces paraded through London, cheered by crowds that stretched from Buckingham Palace to Regent’s Park. Countrywide, an estimated 12 million people joined in various celebrations.
65 years ago, from 4th June to 9th November, that the Berlin Crisis of 1961 took place. It led to Berlin being partitioned into East Berlin and West Berlin, and the erection of the Berlin Wall on 13th August.
50 years ago, from 23rd June to 27th August, the 1976 British Isles Heat Wave took place. One of the hottest and driest summers on record, it dried up rivers and evaporated reservoirs. Domestic water supplies were rationed, and public standpipes were installed in some areas. September and October both saw very heavy rainfall.
40 years ago, on 22nd June 1986 that the ‘Hand of God’ goal took place during the quarter-final of the 1986 FIFA World Cup in Mexico City. Argentine football player Diego Maradona scored a goal against England using his hand, which the referee mistakenly thought was his head, and allowed the goal. England was knocked out of the World Cup as a result, and Argentina won it.
30 years ago, on 4th June 1996 that the Second Severn Crossing was officially opened. The bridge spans the River Severn and links England and Wales via the M4 motorway.
Also 30 years ago, on 15th June 1996 that the centre of Manchester was devastated by an IRA bomb. 200 people were injured and the city centre had to be redeveloped because of the immense amount of damage.
Also 30 years ago, on 18th June 1996 that Benjamin Netanyahu became Prime Minister of Israel for the first time. He served from 1996 to 1999, then from 2009 to 2021, and then from 2022 to the present time. He is Israel’s longest-serving Prime Minister.
20 years ago, on 18th June 2006 that American bishop Katherine Jefferts Schori became the first woman to be elected as a primate in the Anglican Communion. She became the Presiding Bishop and Primate of the Episcopal Church from November 2006 until 2015.
10 years ago, on 3rd June 2016 that Muhammad Ali, American world heavyweight boxer, died. He was regarded as the greatest heavyweight boxer of all time.
Also 10 years ago, on 23rd June 2016 that the UK European Union (EU) membership referendum was held. 52 per cent of voters voted to leave the EU, and 48 per cent voted to remain. The UK left the EU on 31st January 2020.
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Smile Lines
New vicar
The new vicar taking his first service was determined to make a good impression. The congregation sat spellbound throughout the eloquent sermon and the extended intercessions, which seemed to cover the whole category of human wants. After the service one church member asked another in awe: “Don’t you think our new vicar prays well?
“I most certainly do,” came the answer. “Why that man asked the good Lord for things that our old vicar didn’t even know He had!”
**
Quiet prayers
The little boy was saying his go-to-bed prayers in a very low voice. “I can’t hear you, dear,” his mother whispered.
“Wasn’t talking to you,” said the small one firmly.
**
For the wicked
A little boy had been very naughty and as a punishment his mother told him he would go without his favourite vegetable. He sat down for a meal, and his mother served, carrots, corn, – – and ? “It’s no use waiting,” said his mother, ” I told you, no peas for the wicked.”
**
Motoring holiday
Lost Husband: Where are we now?
Wife: Halfway between Paris and Marseilles, dear.
Husband: Don’t bother me with details. What country are we in?
**
Some of the great questions of life
Why are buildings called buildings when they are finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?
Why is abbreviated such a long word?
Why is it that when you tell a man there are 400 billion stars he will believe you, but when you tell him there’s wet paint, he has to touch it?
If your supermarket has been lowering prices every day, how come nothing is free yet?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If a firefighter fights fire and a crime fighter fights crime, what does a freedom fighter fight?
Do you find it unnerving that what doctors do is called ‘practice’?
**
Which Way to Heaven?
The evangelist Billy Graham told of a time early in his ministry when he arrived in a small town to preach a sermon. Wanting to post a letter before the service that evening, he asked a young boy in the street where the post office was.
When the boy had told him, Dr Graham thanked him and said, “If you’ll come to the Baptist Church this evening, you can hear me telling everyone how to get to heaven.”
The boy replied, “How can you do that? You don’t even know your way to the post office.”
**
A lesson in lies
A minister told his congregation, “Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17.”
The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, “Mark has only 16 chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying.”
**
Late for Church
A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could go to church. As she ran, she prayed, “Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late! Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late!”
While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her dress dirty. She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again. As she ran she once again began to pray, “Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late…But please don’t shove me again, either!”
**
Boasting
Three boys in the schoolyard were bragging about their fathers. The first boy said, “My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, calls it a poem, they give him £50.”
The second boy said, “That’s nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, calls it a song, they give him £100.”
The third boy said, “I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!”
**
Report on the search for a new minister
We do not have a happy report to give. We are struggling to find a suitable candidate for this church. The following are our present candidates:
Adam: Good man, but problems with his wife. Also, one reference told of how he and his wife enjoy walking nude in the woods.
Noah: Former pastorate of 120 years with no converts. Prone to unrealistic building projects.
Abraham: Thinks that God is telling him to go far away, but he can’t say exactly where that is. Also, he has offered to share his own wife with another man.
Joseph: A big thinker, but a braggart, believes in dream-interpreting, and has a prison record.
Moses: A modest and meek man, but poor communicator, even stuttering at times. Sometimes blows his stack and acts rashly. Some say he left an earlier church over a murder charge.
David: The most promising leader of all, until we discovered the affair he had with his neighbour’s wife, and how he then killed her husband.
Solomon: Great preacher, and very smart, but our parsonage would never hold all those wives.
Elijah: Prone to depression-collapses under pressure.
Elisha: Reported to have lived with a single widow while at his former church.
Hosea: A tender and loving pastor, but our people could never handle his wife’s occupation.
Deborah: Female.
Jeremiah: Emotionally unstable, alarmist, negative, always lamenting things, and reported to have taken a long trip to bury his underwear on the bank of a foreign river.
Isaiah: On the fringe? Claims to have seen angels in church. Has trouble with his language.
Jonah: Refused God’s call into ministry until he was forced to obey by getting swallowed up by a great fish. He told us the fish later spit him out on the shore near here. We hung up.
Amos: Too backward and unpolished. With some seminary training he might have promise but has a hang-up against wealthy people. Might fit in better in a poor congregation.
John: Says he is a Baptist, but he doesn’t dress like one. Has slept outdoors for months on end, has a weird diet, and provokes denominational leaders.
Peter: Too blue collar. Has a bad temper—even has been known to curse. Had a big run-in with Paul in Antioch. Aggressive, and a loose cannon.
Paul: Powerful CEO type leader and fascinating preacher. However, short on tact, unforgiving with younger ministers, harsh and has been known to preach all night. We don’t want that.
Timothy: Too young.
Jesus: Has had popular times, but once when his church grew to 5000, he managed to offend them all and this church dwindled down to twelve people. Seldom stays in one place very long. And, of course, he’s single.
Judas: His references are solid. A steady plodder. Conservative. Good connections. Knows how to handle money. We’re inviting him to preach this Sunday. Possibilities here.
**
Oops
I went grocery shopping on an empty stomach and am now the proud owner of Aisle 4.
**
Golf
Golfer: “I’d move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course.”
Caddie: “Try heaven, you’ve already moved most of the earth.”
**
Car travel
A minister was looking at potential cars down at the dealership. Pointing to one, he asked the salesman: “Cargo space?”
Confused, the salesman replied slowly and clearly: “Car no do that…no go heaven. Car go road.”
**
Home visit
Several women visited a sick elderly lady in their church. After a while, they rose to leave and told her, “Well, don’t worry, we will keep you in our prayers.”
The old woman replied: “Actually, if you woul
d just wash up the dishes in my sink, I can do my own praying.”
**
Going somewhere
Older people often go to another room to get something, and when they get there, they stand there wondering what they came for. It is not a memory problem. It is God’s way of helping older people get more exercise.
**
Moon
For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese.
But then astronauts visited it, and they say that the moon is really a big hard rock.
Well, that’s what happens to cheese, when you leave it out.
**
Getting around
I love flying. I’ve been to almost as many places as my luggage.
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The views expressed in this magazine are those of the contributors and do not necessarily reflect those of St Mary's, it's clergy, the Church of England
or the Editors.