From the editors.....
This is the twentieth Parish Magazine on St Mary's website.
As always thanks to all who have contacted us, please keep in touch and send us comments and articles for inclusion.
Pauline & Bob - co editors..
Updated 28th October 2021
Random Ponderings by a Recognised Parish Assistant
Good reasons to have a church magazine
Bible Sunday is 24th October
11th October James the Deacon
From darkness to Light
- Youre warmly invited to join Christian Aid for an online service of reflection on All Souls' day. This is a time for us to come together in a moment of comfort and hope.
Tuesday 2 November at 5.30pm
NOVEMBER DIARY PAGE
Service of Holy Communion each Sunday said BCP at 9am and sung Common Worship at 10.00am
Service of Holy Communion each Tuesday said at 10am
Sunday 7th November Third Sunday before Advent
Wednesday 10th November PCC meeting (7pm in church)
Thursday 11th November Acklam Old Boys Remembrance Service 11th November 10.45 am, followed by refreshments
Sunday 14th November REMEMBRANCE SUNDAY (Second Sunday before Advent)
Sunday 21st November CHRIST THE KING
Sunday 28th November ADVENT SUNDAY 6.30pm Advent Carol Service
New research reveals significant contribution by cathedrals to local economies
The Revd Dr Jo White considers the bread left behind.
Reflected Faith Series: Sacred Things
St Luke – the doctor who brought good news
Canon Paul Hardingham considers Jesus’ encouragement to pray.
The Friend at Midnight
Wake up world!’ – Bishop calls for action after climate report
New Chair for Christian Aid
Teahouse group of Chinese heritage clergy is launched
Like a pumpkin
November Crosswords Clues (answers next month)
1 700 of these were killed (2 Samuel 10) (11)
9 ‘No — , impure or greedy person’ (Ephesians 5) (7)
10 City on the banks of the River Nile (5)
11 Stamped addressed envelope (1,1,1)
13 Taverns (4)
16 ‘Stand — in the faith’ (1 Corinthians 16) (4)
17 ‘He will not always — ,’ (Psalm 103) (6)
18 and 27 Down Where the magi came from and what guided them (Matthew 2) (4,4)
20 Ancient Celtic alphabet of 20 characters (4)
21 She married Esau when he was 40 years old (Genesis 26) (6)
22 A great-grandson of Noah (Genesis 10) (4)
23 Title accorded to certain Roman Catholic clerics (abbrev.) (4)
25 ‘But you have made it a — of robbers’ (Luke 19) (3)
28 Annie (anag.) (5)
29 Plead with (Zechariah 7) (7)
30 Tenth foundation of the new Jerusalem (Revelation 21) (11)
2 ‘Not built by — hands’ (2 Corinthians 5) (5)
3 Uncommon excellence (Proverbs 20) (4)
4 ‘Fine — have been poured upon me’ (Psalm 92) (4)
5 — Homo (‘Behold the Man’) (4)
6 ‘He has given proof of this to all men by — him from the dead’ (Acts 17) (7)
7 ‘Our — is in heaven’ (Philippians 3) (11)
8 ‘This is a day you are to — ’ (Exodus 12) (11)
12 Assault (Psalm 17) (6)
14 ‘Jesus found a young donkey and — upon it’ (John 12) (3)
15 Liverpool dialect (6)
19 ‘Remember the — day by keeping it holy’ (Exodus 20) (7)
20 German physicist after whom the unit of electrical resistance is named (3)
24 Nazirites were not allowed to eat this part of a grape (Numbers 6) (5)
25 ‘He must — himself and take up his cross and follow me’ (Mark 8) (4)
26 Evil Roman emperor from AD54 to 68, responsible for condemning hundreds of Christians to cruel deaths (4)
27 See 18 Across
Send your answers with your name to email@example.com
1 dare; 3 cherubim; 9 son Tohu; 10 yield; 11 ranch; 12 enlist; 14 Baalah of Judah; 17 Edward; 19 Sheol; 22 media; 23 open air; 24 apostasy; 25 Eton
1 describe; 2 run in; 4 household gods; 5 royal; 6 blessed; 7 MIDI; 8 Joshua; 13 children; 15 added to; 16 Jasper; 18 await; 20 exalt; 21 YMCA
Winner Peter Warren and Mabel McGurk
CELEBRITIES OF HULL
Rearrange these letters to form the names of 10 famous people who were either born in the noble city of Hull or have close associations with it. Each answer consists of two words.
1. A ROTTEN MUCOY
2. COWJAK ROBBISON
3. ALIN HIKRIPPL
4. WRENDL RAVEMAL
5. WALLIBLE IF CROWMIRE
6. CREMALIA CHAIN
7. RANE IN MA PLUME
8. SONNY HOJAM
9. JEN COPTSHORT
10. LEARNT A LAP
Answers to September anagram
Winners: Mabel McGurk, Wyn Hirst
BUSY PEOPLE: Answers
1. ENVELOPE SECRETARY 2. GROUP SCOUT LEADER 3. CHOIRMASTER 4. ADVERTS SECRETARY
5. CHURCHWARDEN 6. GIFT AID SECRETARY 7. SOCIAL CLUB CHAIRMAN 8. ELECTORAL ROLL OFFICER
9. ORGANIST 10. SAFEGUARDING OFFICER
Compiled by Peter Warren
Send your answers with your name to firstname.lastname@example.org
Zebra crossings – saving lives for 70 years
How to make the most of your looks
Seven tips for teaching children about money
St James the Least of All
St James the Least of All
My dear Nephew Darren
You really should not worry about having reversed your car into the bishop’s gatepost, knocking it over and destroying his rose-beds. It gives him an opportunity to exercise Christian forgiveness. Your real mistake was scribbling a note of apology and pushing it through his letterbox. Far better would have been to have sent an anonymous letter (and to have written it on lined notepaper in capital letters, preferably in green ink, to make it look truly authentic) saying that you had seen the archdeacon do it, and then you had watched him drive off without stopping. That would have taken the minds of the senior clergy away from parish matters for quite some time.
No, never worry about the wrath of bishops; dangers lurk much nearer home. For a start, never incur the displeasure of your flower arrangers. I only crossed their path once – and arrived in church the following Sunday, to see a ten-foot-high floral arrangement at the front of church. I assumed it was by way of making amends, until I discovered it had been placed in front of the pulpit. I was obliged to preach, hidden behind a large multicoloured hedge, while the congregation listened to what were apparently talking chrysanthemums.
A colleague offended his own ladies and arrived to find that the contents of the safe had been removed and replaced with all those exotic pieces of equipment that seem to be indispensable for arranging flowers. He was obliged to administer Communion using a small vase until peace was re-established and his chalice returned to him.
Similarly, organists are a delicate breed. Congratulate him on the anthem, and if it happened to be unaccompanied, he would assume you were implying that the services were better without his playing. Offend your organist and you can be guaranteed that hymns will be played at either half or double speed, stopping one verse short and that the final piece of music as you process out will stop, leaving you and the choir stranded halfway down the aisle.
And finally, never, ever upset your verger. One forgotten Christmas present and you can be sure you will get half-way through a baptism to find he hasn’t put water in the font; at marriage services, the sheets for last week’s funeral will have been accidentally put out and when you sit in your stall you will discover where he now stores the mop and bucket.
No, bishops are warm, fluffy bunnies; real dangers lurks much nearer home.
Your loving uncle,
How do you encourage a young child to eat more vegetables?
Take another look at children’s yoghurt
Christian Aid’s emergency appeal for Haiti
Time to reclaim the sabbath, says new report
How to shorten – or extend – your life
Defender of the Faith
All in the month of October
200 years ago, on 11th Nov 1821 that Fyodor Dostoevsky, the Russian novelist, short story writer and journalist was born. Best known for his novel Crime and Punishment.
150 years ago, on 10th Nov 1871 that Welsh journalist and explorer Henry Morton Stanley located the missing missionary and explorer Dr David Livingstone near Lake Tanganyika in present-day Tanzania. He might or might not have greeted him with the words: “Doctor Livingstone, I presume?”
125 years ago, on 16th Nov 1896 that Oswald Mosley, British fascist politician, was born. Imprisoned for three years in 1940 for founding the British Union of Fascists.
100 years ago, on 11th Nov 1921 that Remembrance poppies were sold for the first time in British and Commonwealth countries to commemorate military personnel who died in war. In the UK they are sold by the Royal British Legion to raise funds for current and former members of the British Armed Forces. Around 30 million poppies are sold each year.
90 years ago, on 30th Nov 1931 that the Crystal Palace in London was destroyed by fire.
80 years ago, on 13th Nov 1941 that the British aircraft carrier HMS Ark Royal was torpedoed by a German submarine in the Mediterranean Sea near Gibraltar. It sank the following day.
65 years ago, on 5th Nov 1956 that Premium Bonds went on sale in the UK. They were designed to encourage people to save, and they offered cash prizes instead of interest.
50 years ago, on 14th Nov 1971 that NASA’s Mariner 9 spacecraft (launched that May) reached Mars. It was the first spacecraft to orbit another planet. Mars was engulfed in a planet-wide dust storm at the time, but 85% of the surface was eventually imaged. Mariner 9 was deactivated in October 1972.
40 years ago, on 12th Nov 1981 that the US Space Shuttle Columbia was launched on its second flight into space, becoming the world’s first reusable manned spacecraft.
30 years ago, on 5th Nov 1991 that Robert Maxwell, Czech-born British newspaper publisher, media proprietor and politician, was found dead at sea off Tenerife. Following his death, he was found to have fraudulently misappropriated the Mirror Group’s pension fund.
Also 30 years ago on 18th Nov 1991 that the Church of England envoy Terry Waite and American educator Thomas Sutherland were released by Islamic Jihad in Lebanon after being held hostage since January 1987 and June 1985 respectively.
25 years ago, on 30th Nov 1996 that England officially returned the Stone of Scone to Scotland after 700 years. It was the coronation stone of the Scottish and (later) English and British monarchs. Scotland agreed to loan the Stone to Westminster Abbey for future coronations.
20 years ago, from 12th to 13th Nov 2001 that the Afghanistan’s ruling Taliban abandoned the capital without a fight, as a coalition of US/NATO and Northern Alliance forces entered the city.
Also 20 years ago, on 29th Nov 2001 that George Harrison, British rock guitarist, singer and songwriter with the Beatles, died.
15 years ago, on 13th Nov 2006 that Google acquired the video-sharing site YouTube.
Petition for annual national fundraising day for animals
Meeting the needs of older people
Parade for Remembrance Service
Local newspapers advertising church services don’t always get it quite right. Such as the local paper advertising a Remembrance Day service, who should have printed: There will be a parade of uniformed organisations. Instead, they printed: There will be a parade of uniformed organists.
A keen young boy, attending his first Mass as an altar boy, was very attentive to everything the priest said. He was especially struck by the priest’s prayer: “Lord, wash away my iniquities, and save me from sin!” In the sacristy afterwards he humbly asked the priest where he should pour the water from the ablutions bowl: “Please father, where shall I put your iniquities?”
At a recent church meeting, our Sunday School teacher requested that a notice be put into the weekly pew-sheet, asking for church members to bring in any old copies they had of the Daily Mail. She wanted the newspapers for a big Christmas project involving lots of paper mache, and thought that the ink on the Daily Mail would be less messy. The secretary made a rough note, and the notice went in: ‘Wanted by our Sunday School teacher: lots of daily males.’
Our church launched a new Stewardship Campaign, which instead of holding a series of events, decided to focus entirely on one big fund-raising event. The evening became known as “putting all our begs into one askit.”
My kindergarten-aged daughter announced, just before school, that she needed to take a clean tee shirt to class. The teacher was going to iron an anti-drug message on it. My wife frantically swept through my daughter’s room, finding nothing usable but one tee shirt that already had something printed on one side. She sent it off to school with my daughter. That afternoon, my daughter returned and happily showed off her shirt.
On one side it said, ‘Families are Forever.’ And on the other, ‘Be Smart, Don’t Start.’
An elderly couple died and were received by St Peter through the Pearly Gates into heaven. They found it a wonderful place. The husband said to his wife: “If you hadn’t fed us such healthy food all our marriage, we could have reached here years ago.”
Know what to do
The town’s fire prevention officer was conducting a health and safety course at the local church. The officer said to the minister: “Now imagine this: it is a Sunday morning, and you have a number of people, spread throughout your church building. Some are in the choir stalls, some are in the kitchen, and some are in the nave. Suddenly, a big fire breaks out. What are the first steps you would take?”
The minister thought carefully for a moment. “Really big ones,” he said.
A minister was considering a move to a busy town-centre church, and wanted to know what the congregation were like, and especially the church council. So, he rang the minister who had just retired from that church.
The retiring minister hesitated a moment and then replied: “Some of them are wise; some are otherwise.”
When the vicar moved his family into the large Victorian vicarage, a member of the congregation asked the young son how he liked his new home. “It’s great,” the little boy replied. “At last I have my own room, and Mike has his own room, and Jemma has her own room, and Robbie has his own room. But poor Mum is still in with Dad.”
A little girl attempted the Lord’s Prayer: “Our Father, who does art in heaven, Harold is your name. Amen.”
One out of Ten
A Sunday School class was studying the Ten Commandments. The teacher asked if anyone could recite one from memory. Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, “Thou shall not take the covers off thy neighbour’s wife.”
My husband and I were delighted the day we finally bought our own home. After years of renting, it was wonderful to own something. Our minister even gave us a bottle of champagne to mark the occasion. But in the hustle and bustle of getting moved in, his champagne was put in a cupboard and forgotten.
Months later, we held a Baptism party for our third child. Wine flowed until, running short, we suddenly remembered the housewarming gift of champagne. So, in front of our guests, I opened the attached card from the minister and read it aloud: “Dave, take good care of it – this one is really yours!”
People at my workplace have started a funny new tradition where they give names to the food in the office fridge. Today I ate a sandwich called Mark, followed by some cake called Rosie.
My three-year-old niece, Kelly, went with a neighbour’s little girl to church for her First Communion practice. The minister had the children cup their hands, and then went solemnly down the line, giving each child a piece of bread, and intoning: “God be with you”.
Apparently, this made quite an impression on my niece. She came home and told her mother to cup her hands and bend down. Kelly took a piece of bread from her sandwich, placed it in her mother’s hands, and whispered, in her most angelic voice, “God will get you.”
Miscellaneous musings on modern life…
In filling out an application, where it says, ‘In case of emergency, notify’: I put ‘DOCTOR.’
Member of the congregation to minister: “I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.”
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Where there’s a will, there are relatives.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. – Mark Twain
Don’t worry about avoiding temptation…as you grow older, it will avoid you. – Winston Churchill
If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished. – Anon
The views expressed in this magazine are those of the contributors and do not necessarily reflect those of St Mary's, it's clergy or the Church of England.