May 2024 Magazine


 

As always thanks to all who have contacted us and sent us comments and articles for inclusion. Please keep in touch and send us things.


We would like to think there is a lot of interest in the articles we have chosen and that it is ideal for you to dip in and out of and not read them all at once !!!   Due to problems obtaining photos and cliparts there will be less of them.

                         

Pauline & Bob - co-editors..   


Updated  1st May 2024

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Dear Friends,

 


Norma


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Random Ponderings

 



Hilary Longstaff


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ANNUAL GENERAL MEETING 2024

 



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 Paul Hardingham considers that first Easter morning…

 

Looking for the Resurrection

 


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30 years since the ordination of women

 


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May Diary Page

 


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Albert Pagan 16.01.29 – 19.01.24

 


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This Mothering Sunday, could you give the Gift of Dignity?

 



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 Thanking two kinds of Mother on 10th March

 



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30th March    Easter Eve or Holy Saturday

 


 

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 Revd Peter Crumpler, a Church of England priest in St Albans, Herts, and a former communications director for the C of E

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Why saying hello is important

 


 

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Ripple Effect reaches more than a million people

 


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Paul Hardingham continues his new series.

What’s the Big Idea? An Introduction to the Books of the Old Testament:

Leviticus and Numbers



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Lester Amman


 Why we should be like donkeys



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May Crossword

  

CLUES

Across

1  One who owes money, goods or services (Isaiah 24) (6)

4  ‘Pressed down, — together and running over’ (Luke 6) (6)

7  Continuous dull pain (Proverbs 14) (4)

8  This bread contains yeast (Amos 4) (8)

9  ‘But take heart! I have — the world’ (John 16) (8)

13 And the rest (abbrev.) (3)

16 What Paul was accused of by Tertullus,  (Acts 24) (13)

17 Rap (anag.) (3)

19 Founder of the Jesuits in 1534 (8)

24 ‘For where your — is,’ (Luke 12) (8)

25 The first word written on the wall  (Daniel 5) (4)

26 ‘We all, like sheep, have gone — ’ (Isaiah 53) (6)

27 One was given in honour of Jesus in Bethany (John 12) (6)

 

Down

1  ‘The — hear’ (Luke 7) (4)

2  Conduct (Colossians 1) (9)

3  In the Catholic and Orthodox traditions, the body of a saint or his belongings, venerated as holy (5)

4  ‘Like a — of locusts men pounce on it’ (Isaiah 33) (5)

5  Very old (Genesis 44:20) (4)

6  In Calvinist theology, one who is predestined by God to receive salvation (5)

10 How Nicodemus addressed Jesus  (John 3) (5)

11 Sea (Psalm 148) (5)

12 ‘I will — you, my God the King; ’ (Psalm 145) (5)

13 One of the groups of philosophers that Paul met in Athens (Acts 17) (9)

14 Barred enclosure (Ezekiel 19) (4)

15 ‘Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in — with the Spirit’ (Galatians 5) (4)

18 Cares (anag.) (5)

20 Garish (Ezekiel 16) (5)

21 ‘So God said to Noah, “I am going to put — — to all people”’ (Genesis 6) (2,3)

22 Just (2 Corinthians 6) (4)

23 ‘The — of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge’ (Proverbs 1) (4)



Answers to April Crossword


 ACROSS: 8, Transgressors. 9, Out. 10, Ephesians. 11, Throb. 13, Ramadan. 16, Nearest. 19, Neath. 22, Childless. 24, Ant. 25, Excommunicate.

 

DOWN: 1, Utmost. 2, Easter. 3, Assemble. 4, Archer. 5, Isis. 6, To hand. 7, As a son. 12, Hoe. 14, Monastic. 15, Apt. 16, Nuclei. 17, A piece. 18, Tied up. 20, Ararat. 21, Hatred. 23, Dome.


Winner    Peter Warren.



Crosswords reproduced by kind permission of BRF and John Capon, originally published in Three Down, Nine Across, by John Capon (£6.99 BRF)


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 May Anagrams



 

Compiled by Peter Warren

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April  Anagram Answers    



 

Winner   Wyn Hirst

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May Soduko Puzzle



April Sodoku Solution




Winners   Jack Thompson

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The Revd Dr Jo White continues her series on the meanings on Church Buildings.


 Reflecting Faith: Lychgates


The Revd Dr Jo White considers church gates this month…

 


 

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The story behind the hymn: ‘Christ Arose!’

 


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Mr Bates vs The Post Office: not the only one

 


 

A quiz for Easter

 


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Quiz answers on the Book of Exodus

 




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Where is the most generous place in the UK?

 



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What do you think of the weather forecasts?

 



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Our young people are just so unhappy

 



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 The consequences of turning down a social invitation

 


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Langham Partnership (UK and Ireland) has a ‘9-a-day’ initiative to encourage Christians to grow their faith.  More info at:  External link opens in new tab or windowwww.9aday.org.uk/ Langham Partnership trains and resources pastors and leaders worldwide. The following article is adapted from their blog, and may well be useful at this time of Lent and Easter.

 

Inability does not equal inactivity

 


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Rules of living well after 60

 



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David Pickup considers


Court room drama

 

 


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The Story of Aspirin

 


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 Dramatic decline of religion on TV

 


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The Rectory

St James the Least of All


My dear Nephew Darren


It never fails to amaze me how, in church life, an issue can suddenly become an Issue. In the last month, we have acquired an Issue: a proposal to convert a space at the back of church into a kitchen. Inevitably, battle lines have been drawn and trenches dug. Attendance at church council meetings has soared and unofficial sub-committees meet in the car park after Services. It’s obvious that feelings are running high, because people have become remarkably polite to one another.


Some who are wildly in favour see it as an opportunity of being able to leave the pews ten minutes early, in order to get ready for the rush for weak coffee and damp biscuits. I can already hear in my mind the final hymn being drowned by kettles being filled, biscuit tins opened, cups thunderingly placed on saucers, while the volunteers discuss the dress sense of others in the congregation in deafening whispers.


I was a little surprised to hear that Colonel Wainwright was all in favour – until I realised that it would give him a place to totter into to read his newspaper once he got bored with my sermon, which usually seems to happen in the first minute. Naturally, smaller turf wars have broken out alongside the major battle. There is conflict about whether we should get new crockery, what colour carpeting tiles would look right – and most importantly of all, who will take charge of the coffee rota.


Others are totally against the project: the treasurer dreads the thought of signing yet more cheques, the churchwardens worry about removing pews which have quietly hidden the dry rot, and the theologically angst-ridden agonise about the fact that St Paul never mentioned coffee after Sabbath worship.


Naturally, I encourage all sides, especially if it will bring any possibility of progress to a halt. I proposed bringing in flasks of coffee, thus stopping anyone being able to escape before the end of the Service; I suggested drinks being brought to people in the pews, thus ruining the Colonel’s hopes of finding a safe haven; I organised a group to study High Priestly attitudes to refreshments in the Temple in Jerusalem in Leviticus.


I am sure that by the time all these groups have come up with their conclusions, we will have safely moved on to fight the next Issue.


Your loving uncle, Eustace

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All in the month of May


It was:

200 years ago, on 7th May 1824 that the first performance of Ludwig van Beethoven’s Symphony No. 9 took place in Vienna. It is regarded as Beethoven’s greatest work and is one of the most-performed symphonies in the world.


150 years ago, on 9th May 1874 that Howard Carter, British archaeologist and Egyptologist, was born. He discovered the tomb of the Pharaoh Tutankhamun in 1922.


Also 150 years ago, on 29th May 1874 that the British writer G. K. Chesterton was born. A novelist, short story writer, philosopher and critic, he was best known for his Father Brown stories.


100 years ago, on 4th May 1924 that the British children’s writer E. Nesbit (Edith Nesbit) died. Best known for The Railway Children.


90 years ago, on 25th May 1934 that the British composer, Gustav Holst, died. Best known for The Planets.


Also 90 years ago, on 28th May 1934 that the first Glyndebourne opera festival was held, in East Sussex.


75 years ago, on 12th May 1949 that the Soviet Union lifted its blockade of Berlin. The blockade had led to the Berlin Airlift, in which British and American planes had delivered millions of tons of food, coal and medical supplies to the isolated people of West Berlin.


70 years ago, on 6th May 1954 that Roger Bannister became the first person to run a mile in under four minutes (3 minutes, 59.4 seconds), in Oxford.


Also 70 years ago, on 20th May 1954 that Bill Haley & His Comets released the song Rock Around the Clock. It brought rock and roll into the mainstream and is regarded as one of the most important records in music history.


Also 70 years ago, on 29th May 1954 that Diane Leather became the first woman to run a mile in under five minutes (4 minutes, 59.6 seconds), in Birmingham.


60 years ago, on 2nd May 1964 that Nancy Astor, American-born British politician died.  She was the first female Member of Parliament (MP) to take her seat in the House of Commons.


50 years ago, on 24th May 1974 that Duke Ellington, American jazz pianist, composer, and big-band leader, died. Regarded as the greatest jazz composer of the 20th century.


40 years ago, on 17th May 1984 that Prince Charles described a proposed extension to the National Gallery in London as a ‘monstrous carbuncle on the face of a much-loved and elegant friend’.  (The design was scrapped, but his comment sparked controversy over the Royal Family’s role.).


Also 40 years ago, on 19th May 1984 that John Betjeman, British poet, writer, and broadcaster died. He was Poet Laureate 1972-1984.


30 years ago, on 6th May 1994 that the Channel Tunnel linking England and France was officially opened.


Also 30 years ago, on 10th May 1994 that Nelson Mandela was inaugurated as South Africa’s first black president, after more than 300 years of white rule.


25 years ago, on 1st May 1999 that the body of mountaineer George Mallory was found on Mount Everest. He had been missing since 1924.


Also 25 years ago, on 6th May 1999, that the first general elections for the Scottish Parliament and the National Assembly for Wales, took place. Donald Dewar became First Minister for Scotland and Alun Michael became First Secretary for Wales.


20 years ago, on 19th May 2004 that the world’s first stem cell bank opened at the National Institute for Biological Standards and Control in Potter’s Bar, Hertfordshire

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Smile Lines


Children’s exam papers

The following real-life answers to various exam papers explain why teachers need long holidays…


What is a nitrate?  – Cheaper than a day rate.

What was Sir Walter Raleigh famous for? – He is a noted figure in history because he invented cigarettes and started a craze for bicycles.

What did Mahatma Gandhi and Genghis Khan have in common? – Unusual names.

Name one of the early Romans’ greatest achievements. – Learning to speak Latin.

Name six animals which live specifically in the Artic.  – Two polar bears. Four seals.

Assess Fashion House plc’s choice to locate its factory near Birmingham.  Is Birmingham the right location for this type of business?  – No. People from Birmingham aren’t very fashionable.

How does Romeo’s character develop throughout the play? – It doesn’t, it’s just self, self, self, all the way through.

Name the wife of Orpheus, whom he attempted to save from the underworld. – Mrs Orpheus.

Where was the American Declaration of Independence signed?  – At the bottom.

What happens during puberty to a boy?  – He says goodbye to his childhood and enters adultery.

State three drawbacks of hedgerow removal. – All the cows will escape.  The cars drive into the fields.  There is nowhere to hide.

What is the meaning of the word varicose? – Close by.

What is a fibula? – A little lie.

Why would living close to a mobile phone mast cause ill health? – You might walk into it.

What is a vibration? – There are good vibrations and bad vibrations.  Good vibrations were discovered in the 1960s.

Where was Hadrian’s Wall built? – Around Hadrian’s garden.

The race of people known as Malays come from which country? – Malaria.

**

Taking Jesus

A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took the boy Jesus with them to Jerusalem.

A small child replied: “They couldn’t get a babysitter.”

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Revival families

After the local mission outreach had concluded, the three ministers were discussing the results with one another.

The Methodist minister said, “The mission worked out great for us! We gained four new families.”

The Baptist preacher said, “We did better than that! We gained six new families.”

The Anglican priest said, “Well, we did even better than that! We got rid of our 10 biggest troublemakers!”

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Adam and Eve

Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn’t have to hear about all the men she could have married,

and she didn’t have to hear about the way his mother cooked.

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Barbershop evangelism

There was a barber who felt he should share his faith with his customers more.  So, the next morning he decided: “Today I am going to witness to the first man that walks through my door.”

Soon after he opened his shop the first man came in for a shave. The barber sat him down and then fled to the back of the shop to pray. “God, please give me the wisdom to know just the right thing to say. Amen.” Then the barber approached the man with his razor knife in hand. “Right then, sir… I wonder, are you ready to die?”

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Share

There are only two things a child will share willingly – a communicable disease and his mother’s age.

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Happy

Never miss an opportunity to make others happy, even if you have to leave them alone in order to do it.

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Old person

I hate it when I see an old person, and then realise we went to school together.

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Several years ago, on the gates of the Winnipeg Anglican Cathedral in Canada, which is situated in a cemetery, two notices were seen beside each other:

THE ANGLICAN CHURCH WELCOMES YOU.

WARNING: THESE PREMISES ARE PROTECTED BY GUARD DOGS.

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And finally – one of our Parish Pump editors, Nicola Stephenson, has sent this in from her very own church magazine!

Lots of seats

Seen in a church magazine:

The church hall is available for hire for groups and parties. There is a well-equipped kitchen and disabled toilet facilities, with the capacity to seat up to 80 people.