Paul Hardingham continues his new series.
What’s the Big Idea? An Introduction to the Books of the Old Testament:
1 and 2 Samuel.
1 and 2 Samuel was originally a single work, which focuses on Samuel, Saul and David, around 1,000 BC, mid-way between Abraham and Jesus. It was Samuel who established the monarchy in Israel after the period of the judges. He was commanded by God to give the people a king, although their request is seen as a rejection of God’s rule over Israel (8:7).
The people simply wanted to be like other nations, however their king was still subject to God’s law and the word of the prophet. Although Samuel anointed Saul, he soon showed an unwillingness to submit to these requirements, leading to his rejection as king (15:23). God chose David as Saul’s successor, and 1 Samuel depicts David’s years of waiting until the right time arrived to claim the throne.
2 Samuel depicts David’s rule, in which the nation prospers and its enemies are defeated. The promise of the perfect king is fulfilled in Jesus Himself, as David’s descendant. The second half of the book depicts the darker side of David’s reign, describing his weaknesses and failures, including his adultery with Bathsheba and the rebellion of his son Absalom.
Nevertheless, David remained a man after God’s own heart: ‘The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.’ (1 Samuel 16:7). The characters in this book are not always great examples of faith, however, ‘They do not show us how we should live but how in fact we do live, authenticating the reality of our daily experience as the stuff that God uses to work his purposes of salvation in us and in the world.’ (Eugene Peterson).
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Prospect of winter energy bills causing anxiety for millions, says Archbishop of York
Millions are looking ahead to this winter with ‘fear and anxiety’ about the cost of heating their homes, the Archbishop of York has said as he backed the recent launch of a campaign to provide a network of warm spaces for people who struggle to pay their energy bills.
Archbishop Stephen Cottrell is encouraging churches to consider getting involved in the Warm Welcome campaign, a network of venues from community centres to churches providing warm spaces over the winter for people struggling to heat their homes
.
Archbishop Stephen said: “Sadly, what began as a cost-of-living crisis has simply become the new normal for many.
“Millions of people will look ahead to this winter with fear and anxiety, wondering how they are going to cope with high living costs. That is why I am proud to endorse the Warm Welcome campaign this winter.
“But a warm welcome isn’t only about the temperature. It is about kindness and community, giving people the chance to be seen and known, to belong and to be part of something. It is about celebrating the God-given value and dignity of every single person, finding hope and community together. But of course, none of that will happen if people are cold.”
The Warm Welcome campaign is led by a coalition of over 50 charitable organisations who joined together in response to the cost of living crisis to provide emergency support to communities struggling to pay for rising food costs and to heat their homes.
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The mysterious ways of mistletoe
Mistletoe has long been used as part of our Christmas decorations. It is not your usual kind of plant.
Instead, it is hemiparasitic, meaning that although its leaves enable it to feed itself through photosynthesis, its roots invade the host tree or shrub to extract water and other nutrients
.
Mistletoe loves living in apple, lime, hawthorn, poplar or oak trees. You may spot it high up, as a large globe, on the bare trees in winter. There is one spectacular example in Windsor Great Park, clearly visible from the path on the opposite side of the Thames
.
Mistletoe’s berries are almost translucent, fleshy and sticky. They form in the forks of mistletoe’s many branches. While they are toxic to humans, they are attractive to birds, who wipe the remaining seeds off their beaks onto the nearest branch, which of course helps the plant to spread.
For some reason, Romans thought mistletoe represented Peace, Love and Understanding. Perhaps that is how it got into our Christmas celebrations? The earliest documentary evidence for kissing under mistletoe dates from the 16th century, but we don’t know who got kissed first.
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Doctor Livingstone, I presume?
It was 150 years ago, on 10th November 1871, that Welsh journalist and explorer Henry Morton Stanley located the missing missionary Dr David Livingstone near Lake Tanganyika, in present-day Tanzania. He may or may not have greeted him with the words: “Doctor Livingstone, I presume?”
Stanley’s real name was John Rowlands. He was born in Denbigh to an unmarried 18-year-old who abandoned him. He ended up in a workhouse until he was 15, then went to America, where he changed his name and became an American citizen. When he found Livingstone, he was working for the New York Herald.
Known for his strength of will, Stanley also had an African name – Bula Matari – Breaker of Rocks. Much of his life was spent in Central Africa, and his reputation was mixed: he was said by some to be violent toward Africans, but by others to have treated them well. His feats as an explorer were impressive: he played a big part in locating the true source of both the Nile and the Congo, and he helped open up the Congo on behalf of King Leopold of Belgium.
Though not overtly religious, he felt he was engaged in a “sacred task”. He was re-naturalised a British subject in 1892, following his marriage.
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All in the month of March
It was:
300 years ago, on 8th March 1723 that Sir Christopher Wren, English architect, died. Best known for designing St Paul’s Cathedral.
125 years ago, on 16th March 1898 that Aubrey Beardsley, British illustrator, died. His black ink drawings, influenced by Japanese woodcuts, contributed to the development of Art Nouveau.
100 years ago, on 4th March 1923 that Patrick Moore, the amateur astronomer, TV presenter, writer and musician was born. Best known for presenting the TV astronomy show The Sky at Night for over 50 years. (Died 2012)
80 years ago, on 13th March 1943 that the final liquidation of Krakow Ghetto in Poland took place. 8,000 Jews were transported to Plaszow labour camp, 2000 more were simply killed in the streets, and the rest were sent to Auschwitz.
70 years ago, on 19th March 1953 that the Academy Awards ceremony (the Oscars) were televised for the first time.
Also 70 years ago, on 26th March 1953 that Dr Jonas Salk announced that he had completed the first small-scale test of a polio vaccine. Larger tests began in February 1954, and mass vaccinations began in April 1955.
65 years ago, on 2nd March 1958 that the first land crossing of Antarctica was completed by the Commonwealth Trans-Antarctic Expedition, led by Vivian Fuchs. The team of 12 men travelled 2,158 miles from Shackleton Base to Scott Base (via the South Pole) in 99 days, using six vehicles.
60 years ago, on 22nd March 1963 that the British Secretary of State for War, John Profumo, made a statement in the House of Commons in which he denied there was any impropriety in his relationship with Christine Keeler, a model who was also in a sexual relationship with a drug dealer and a Soviet naval attaché. (In June he admitted he had lied, and resigned.)
50 years ago, on 8th March 1973 that the citizens of Northern Ireland voted in a referendum to remain within the United Kingdom. That same day the IRA carried out its first bombing in Britain since WWII, planting car bombs in London. One person died, 200 were injured.
40 years ago, on 6th March 1983 that Donald Maclean, British-born Soviet spy died. He was a member of the Cambridge Spy Ring.
Also 40 years ago, on 26th March 1983, that Anthony Blunt, British art historian and Soviet spy, died.
25 years ago, on 16th March 1998 that Rwanda began mass trials for the country’s 1994 genocide. There were 125,000 suspects for 500,000 murders.
20 years ago, on 1st March 2003 that Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, the al-Qaeda terrorist who masterminded the 9/11 attacks on the USA, was captured in Pakistan.
Also 20 years ago, on 12th March 2003 that the World Health Organisation issued a global alert about a severe form of pneumonia (now known as Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome – SARS) that was affecting people in China, Hong Kong and Vietnam.
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Isherwood Hall. (The original hall)
Tables and chairs are available.
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September 2025 Magazine
We didn't receive any local or St Mary's news for this month again, so it's just another selection from 'Parish Pump'.
Pauline & Bob - co-editors..
Updated 1st September 2025
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Repairs to church roof / Gulley.
The faculty for repairing the Gulley between the church roofs, removal of the boiler house chimney and repointing of the East end coping stones has been granted. A meeting with the architect and contractor will take place soon and then hopefully the work will take place in the near future. This will mean scaffolding being erected at the east end of the church and as all the work will be done from that end access to the church building will not be affected.
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11,000 people take part in consultations for the next Archbishop of Canterbury
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CofE attendance rises for fourth year
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September Diary Page
All services at the usual times
BIBLE STUDY (via ZOOM) EVERY WEDNESDAY AT 7PM DURING TERM TIME.
PRAYER MEETING FIRST MONDAY IN THE MONTH 7pm IN CHURCH
SUNDAYS
9am Holy Communion BCP
10am Parish Communion
6.30pm Evening Prayer
TUESDAYS
10am Holy Communion
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Proposals to enhance pensions mark a major step in supporting clergy well-being
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From stained glass to medieval graffiti: annual conservation
grants for churches revealed
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Why are Christians persecuted?
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Chilling reading’ – Bishop Sarah responds to assisted suicide impact assessments
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September Crossword
CLUES
Across
1 ‘ “You — are one of them”’ (Luke 22) (4)
3 Giving (1 Peter 2) (8)
9 They came to Jerusalem seeking an infant king (Matthew 2) (3,4)
10 ‘An athlete... does not receive the victor’s crown unless he competes ’ (2 Timothy 2) (5)
11 Leading 20th- century Methodist, Donald — (5)
12 ‘Come quickly to — — , O Lord my Saviour’ (Psalm 38) (4,2)
14 ‘The God of Abraham, — — — , the God of our fathers (Acts 3) (5,3,5)
17 Sear by intense heat (Revelation 16) (6)
19 ‘It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust — — ’ (Psalm 118) (2,3)
22 Goods (Nehemiah 13) (5)
23 i.e. train (anag.) (7)
24 Surrounding area (Luke 24) (8)
25 ‘Righteousness will be his — ’ (Isaiah 11) (4)
Down
1 Elegant and creative (Exodus 31) (8)
2 ‘We will not all — , but we will all be changed’ (1 Corinthians 15) (5)
4 ‘How orderly you are and how firm your — — — is’ (Colossians 2) (5,2,6)
5 Enlist (2 Samuel 24) (5)
6 Of the Muslim faith (7)
7 Sharp intake of breath (Job 11) (4)
8 Woven cloth (Ezekiel 16) (6)
13 Plentiful (Romans 5) (8)
15 CIA char (anag.) (7)
16 Paul and Silas stopped him committing suicide (Acts 16) (6)
18 One of the ingredients in the making of incense (Exodus 30) (5)
20 Episcopal headwear (5)
21 Inhabitant of, say, Russia, Ukraine, Poland, Slovakia or Bulgaria (4)
Answers to August Crossword
ACROSS: 1, Amazed. 4, Others. 8, Peter. 9, Zebedee. 10, Accuser. 11, Endue. 12, Scripture. 17, Shrub. 19, Abashed. 21, Foolish. 22, Upset. 23, Loathe. 24, Lesser.
DOWN: 1, Appeal. 2, Attacks. 3, Earns. 5, Tableau. 6, Ended. 7, Shekel. 9, Zarephath. 13, Rubbish. 14, Ephesus. 15, Useful. 16, Editor. 18, Rhoda. 20, Abuse.
Winner P Warren
Crosswords reproduced by kind permission of BRF and John Capon, originally published in Three Down, Nine Across, by John Capon (£6.99 BRF)
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September Anagrams
FARM ANIMAL PHRASES
Poor as a church mouse; to smell a rat - just two phrases involving comparisons with animals. Rearrange the letters below to form 10 more expressions like these. All of them refer to animals or birds
that could be found on a traditional mixed farm. Answers may consist of three, four or five words. Here's a tip: find the animal or bird first!
1. A GREEN MOD THING 2. ARONS SONG TAX 3. A HORRA DESK 4. WATCH THESE RISKS 5. DUE TO A RICKET WALK
6. PUNISH COB IN A HALL 7. I CAN GETTA GOTH 8. OH TEDDY WOKE KORN 9. AS NETBALL GAME 10. CORKING CHIN PENS
Compiled by Peter Warren
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August Anagram Answers
PLAYWRIGHTS: Answers
1. MICHAEL FRAYN 2. HAROLD PINTER 3. TERENCE RATTIGAN 4. PETER SHAFFER 5. GEORGE BERNARD SHAW
6. ARTHUR MILLER 7. NOEL COWARD 8. TOM STOPPARD 9. ALAN BENNETT 10. TENNESSEE WILLIAMS
11. ALAN AYCKBOURN 12. SAMUEL BECKETT
Winner
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September Soduko Puzzle
August Sodoku Solution
Winners J. Thompson
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The Revd Dr Jo White
Reflecting Faith: Saying 'Hello'.
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Canon Paul Hardingham continues his series on the books of the Bible, which will run until the end of 2025.
What’s the Big Idea? – An Introduction to the
books of the New Testament: 2 Corinthians.
‘For anyone operating under the naïve presumption that joining a Christian church is a good way to meet all the best people and cultivate smooth social relations, a reading of Paul’s Corinthian correspondence is the prescribed cure’ (Eugene Peterson).
Paul sent four letters to the Corinthian church: one mentioned in 1 Cor.
5:9; 1 Corinthians; a ‘severe’ letter mentioned in 2 Cor. 2:3–4; and 2 Corinthians sent around AD 55 around a year after 1 Corinthians.
Paul had a number of reasons for writing this letter:
To express the joy he felt at their response to his painful letter (1:3-4; 7:8-9,12-13).
To share his troubles in Asia (1:8-11) and why he changed his travel plans (1:12-2:4).
To ask them to forgive those who had offended him (2:5-11).
To warn them not to be “yoked together with unbelievers” (6:14-7:1).
To explain the true nature of Christian ministry (2:14-7:4).
To encourage them in giving and completing the collection for the Jerusalem Christians (chs. 8-9).
To deal with the opposition (chs. 10-13) and prepare for his coming visit (12:14; 13:1-3,10).
In this very personal letter Paul defends his leadership against accusations of inconsistencies in motives and credentials. A major theme concerns the relationship between suffering and the power of the Spirit. His opponents argued that Paul suffered too much to be a Spirit-filled apostle.
Paul responds by saying that his sufferings embody Christ’s death and his endurance reveals God’s glory: ‘He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.’ (2 Cor 12:9).
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David Pickup, a solicitor considers the problem of losing and finding things…
Finders keepers? – finding things in street
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It can be hard to pray sometimes, and most of us need all the help we can get! This new series, which will run all year, is by the Revd Dr Herbert McGonigle, formerly of the Nazarene Theological College, Manchester
Praying with the Prayers Of The Bible - the Prayer of National Confession
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Don’t Step on a Bee Day – 10th July
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17th September – Hildegard, Abbess of Bingen
If you want to make the most of every minute of your life, and to use your various talents to the utmost, then Hildegard is the saint for you.
Born as the tenth child into a nobleman’s family in the Nahe valley of the Rhineland during the High Middle Ages, Hildegard stood out from others by the time she was eight. That was when she began to receive supernatural visions from God.
Understandably, her family felt that this sort of thing was beyond them, and so they entrusted her to a woman called Jutta, a female recluse with close ties to the benedictine monastery at Diessenberg. Seven years later, Hildegarde became a nun of the community around Jutta, and when Jutta died in 1136, Hildegard became the abbess.
But Hildegard was never going to be one of your quiet nuns tucked away somewhere. Instead, she was always ‘out there’, and bursting with vitality and energy. She wrote on a wide variety of subjects from theology to medicine, to nature. She composed hymns, chants and songs. And she corresponded with many people, including royalty.
Hildegard was a strong, outspoken woman who saw herself as standing in the biblical prophetic tradition, and as such she was fearless in castigating and reprimanding people whom she saw as needing to repent.
Her supernatural visions of God continued from 1141 to 1151, and with the approval of the Archbishop of Mainz, she recorded many of them. This collection was called Scivias, and it dealt with the nature of man of the Last Judgement. When the Pope also approved her visions and writings, Hildegard’s fame spread.
In time, Hildegard’s community grew so large that it moved to Rupertsberg near Bingen, from where she travelled throughout the Rhineland, speaking and teaching. Above all, Hildegard had a firm focus to her life: Jesus Christ and His redemptive death on the Cross. She was devoted to Him.
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The Rev Paul Hardingham the difference Jesus can make in our lives.
Mary Magdalene
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Where do cricket bats come from?
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‘I started noticing they had something I didn’t’ –
students tell how they came to faith.
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Walking is amazing – here’s how to get started
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Fairtrade Foundation calls for tea-drinkers to ‘brew it fair’
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Why you should drink coffee
And then there's this!!!
Why you should drink tea
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Bananas could be lost to climate change, Christian Aid warns
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The ‘father’ of modern British policing
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Episcopalians criticise President Trump’s ‘big, beautiful Bill’
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Staring at beautiful objects really does spark inspiration
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The Rev Paul Hardingham
The Nicene Creed part 2: Who is Jesus?
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The parish Pump team.
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The Rectory
St James the Least of All
My dear Nephew Darren
So, your church does not bother with hymnbooks but uses one of those hideous screens which are invariably strategically placed to obscure the altar. I suppose I am not bothered, as wherever you placed it in your converted cinema, it could never spoil its architectural aesthetics.
In my fortunately limited experience of such devices, they provide the projectionist with endless opportunities for showing the wrong hymn, or the right hymn but wrong verse, or the right hymn and right verse, but all upside down. In any case, the turnover from one verse to the next always takes place some milliseconds after that verse has started. This means that the congregation, having been silenced for lack of words, is then faced with the challenge of singing two lines at double time.
When we decided to move from Hymns More Ancient to Hymns Slightly Less Ancient some years ago, our Sunday attempts to ‘make a joyful noise unto the Lord’ threatened to get lost in the noise of battle.
Colonel Wainwright was happy so long as we continued fighting good fights and urging Christian soldiers onwards. Very keen on smiting is the Colonel; under his command, the Midianites wouldn’t have stood a chance. The men wanted the hymns they remembered from school, the ladies wanted those they had sung at their weddings, and no one would consider anything that dropped ‘thine’s or ‘wouldst’s. Then a vicious rumour started that the new hymnbook might even offer hymns written in the last 50 years. At this, timetables were consulted for bus services to the next village (and church).
Eventually we reached the perfect solution: we did nothing. Instead, Miss Simpson was charged with buying yards of sticky backed plastic and repairing the current books. But there was still a crisis to come: her young (and radical) niece decided to add a note in the front of every copy. It suggested that if the page for the hymn you wanted was missing, then you could share with the person sitting next to you. Of course, no one has done that yet; it would be an experience almost as traumatic as being invited to pass the peace.
And so, we struggle on with our Hymns More Ancient, whenever we can find the words. Harmony reigns once again.
Your loving uncle, Eustace
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The danger in electric cars
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Rise in older shoplifters
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Murder
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BOOK REVIEW
Faith Habits and How to Form Them – 21 seasonal practices
By Emma Timms, SPCK, £11.99
Here is a no-nonsense guide to building adaptable rhythms and practices to bring you closer to God. The pace of the modern world with its constant demands and digital connection can make it tough to form a rich spirituality, and though many of us long for a nourishing connection with God, we often struggle to form habits that cultivate and sustain it.
Here, retreat guide and spiritual director Emma Timms shares 21 spiritual practices that will both feed your soul and fit with the life you are actually living. Drawing from the Bible, the saints and mystics of old, as well as contemporary psychology, this book will help you uncover God’s already-active presence inside you and help you form rhythms and practices to connect more deeply.
The book will help you understand the importance of habits in forming a life-giving spirituality; how to apply spiritual practices that have been used throughout the ages; how to make a daily, weekly, monthly, yearly, and seasonal plan for your spiritual life; and how to adjust your spiritual practices to the season of life you’re in.
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All in the month of September.
It was:
1,100 years ago, on 4th Sept 925 that England gained her first ever king. He was Aethelstan, King of the Anglo-Saxons (924-927) and then King of England (927-939). Aethelstan was grandson of Alfred the Great, and 30th great-grand uncle to Queen Elizabeth II.
300 years ago, on 29th Sept 1725 that Robert Clive, 1st Baron Clive (Clive of India) was born. This British general helped to found the British Empire in India.
200 years ago, on 27th Sept 1825 that the world’s first public railway opened. It was the Stockton and Darlington Railway in north-east England.
175 years ago, on 9th Sept 1850 that California was admitted as the 31st state of the USA.
150 years ago, on 3rd Sept 1875 that Ferdinand Porsche, Austrian-born German automotive engineer was born. He designed the Volkswagen Beetle and Tiger tank and founded the Porsche sports car company.
100 years ago, on 7th Sept 1925 that Laura Ashley was born. The Welsh designer and businesswoman was known for her traditional printed fabrics, soft furnishing and women’s clothing. Co-founder (along with her husband) of the Laura Ashley textile company and chain of shops. (Died in 1985 when she fell downstairs, aged 60.)
Also 100 years ago, on 8th Sept that Peter Sellers, actor and comedian was born. Best known for the Goon Show, and as Inspector Clouseau in the Pink Panther film series. (Died 1980.)
90 years ago, on 3rd Sept 1935 that British driver Malcolm Campbell set a new world land speed record of 301.13 mph in Bluebird at Bonneville Salt Flats, Utah. First person to break the 300mph barrier.
80 years ago, on 2nd Sept 1945 that V-J Day (victory over Japan Day) took place. Representatives from Japan signed the formal instrument of surrender on board the US battleship USS Missouri in Tokyo Bay.
70 years ago, on 4th Sept 1955 that Kenneth Kendall became the first newsreader to appear on screen in the UK, reading the BBC Television News.
Also 70 years ago, on 21st Sep 1955 that Britain annexed Rockall, an uninhabited granite islet in the North Atlantic, to prevent the Soviet Union from placing surveillance equipment there to spy on Britian’s secret nuclear missile tests.
Also 70 years ago, on 22nd Sept 1955 that Britain’s first independent TV channel was launched. ITV ended the BBC’s monopoly.
Also 70 years ago, 26th Sept 1955 that Bird’s Eye frozen fish fingers went on sale in the UK.
60 years ago, on 4th Sept 1965 that Albert Schweitzer, German-born French theologian, philosopher, organist, physician and missionary doctor to Africa, died. Winner of the 1952 Nobel Peace Prize.
15 years ago, on 19th Sept 2010 that the Deepwater Horizon oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico was finally sealed after gushing oil for almost five months. It was the biggest marine oil spill in history. In 2016 BP agreed to pay fines of $20.8 billion – the largest corporate settlement in US history. BP also paid more than $65 billion in clean-up costs.
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Smile Lines
Get something out of it
Coming out of church, the wife asked her husband, “Do you think that Johnson girl is tinting her hair?” Her husband looked vague. “And that dress Mrs Hansen was wearing,” she continued, “Really, don’t tell me you think that’s the proper costume for a mother of two.” Her husband looked blank. “Oh, for heaven’s sake,” snapped his wife. “A lot of good it does you to go to church!”
**
Hymns for people over 50
Guide Me O Thou Great Jehovah, I’ve Forgotten Where I’ve Parked The Car
Count Your Many Birthdays, Count Them One By One
Blessed Insurance
It Is Well With My Soul, But My Knees Hurt
**
No men
An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, “They wouldn’t take me out while I was alive, so I don’t want them to take me out when I’m dead.”
**
Door-to-door
On a sunny Sunday afternoon, two young church members were going door to door to invite people to visit their services. When they knocked on one door, it was immediately clear the woman who answered was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their message, and closed the door in their faces.
To her surprise, however, the door did not close; in fact, it bounced back open. She tried again, with the same result – the door bounced back open. Convinced these rude young people were sticking their foot in her door, she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson. Just then, one of them said quietly: “Ma’am, before you do that again, you really need to move your cat.”
**
Wedding
This is a true story: My parents had been invited to a wedding, when I was about four. So beforehand, they went shopping for a wedding present, a silver teapot, in a very posh shop.
When the assistant asked if he could help them, my father said they needed a wedding present. At this, in a totally shocked child’s voice, I demanded “Are you and Mummy getting married, Daddy?” – A Holland.
**
Wave away
It was a tradition that the Queen and other members of the royal family go to Royal Ascot for the horse racing each year. They drive slowly and people come to wave. A former teacher told me that years ago, she worked at a school on the Queen’s route and told her class of little children that if they came back to where the school was a couple of hours after school had finished with their parents, and looked out for a black car travelling slowly with flowers on it, it would be the Queen, and they could cheer as she went past.
At breaktime, she went into the staffroom, and the teachers in there heard a great cheering and yelling from outside. They went to see what was going on, and they saw all the children near the school railings, loudly cheering and waving while a hearse was going by. The headmistress said, “Well, at least he got a good send-off.”
**
Knock knock
What do you get when you cross an atheist with a Jehovah’s Witness?
Someone who knocks at your door for no apparent reason.
**
Share
There are only two things a young child will share willingly – communicable diseases and mum’s age.
**
From America, where lots of people hunt….
Three friends decided to go deer hunting together. One was a lawyer, one a doctor, and the other a preacher. When along came a big buck, the three of them shot simultaneously. Immediately the buck dropped to the ground. It was dead but had only one bullet hole in it. So a debate broke out as to whose buck it was.
A few minutes later a gamekeeper came by and was told the reason for the debate. He examined the buck and said immediately: “It was the pastor.” When the other two objected, he explained: “Easy. The bullet went in one ear and out the other.”
**
Quotes that biblical characters might have said:-
~ Adam: “You are what you eat.”
~ Eve: “At least he doesn’t compare me to his mother.”
~ Abraham: “I’m goin’ not knowin.'”
~ Moses: “From a basket case to the promised land.”
~ Prodigal Son: “All roads lead to home.”
~ At the Sinai desert: “Winding road for next 40 years.”
~ At the Red Sea: “Caution! Subject to sudden flooding.”
**
Using the English language…
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that. . .
electricians could be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, and dry cleaners depressed?
Likewise, bedmakers might be debunked, bulldozer operators degraded, organ donors delivered, software engineers detested, and underwear manufacturers debriefed?
And won’t all composers one day decompose? On a more positive note, perhaps we can hope politicians will someday be devoted…
**
Smart car
A clergy friend of mine bought a new car that sported an on-board computer. On Sunday morning he got into the car to drive to church, and the digital display lit up. Glancing at the readout, he chuckled at the announcement: “Time for service.”
**
Pick any one
While shopping at the mall, my husband and I became separated. I went out to the car, but realised I didn’t have the keys. So, I went back into the store to look for him.
The woman in charge of the carts smiled knowingly. “Finished before your husband I see,” she said. “Well, I have three men waiting over there on the bench… take one of them. It should all work out even at the end of the day.”
**
Tempting
Don’t tempt me, I can resist anything but temptation.
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